


Debriefings

by SereneVenus



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: C/7 is minimal background noise fading into nothingness, Eating in Restaurants, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, Post-Endgame, Romance, Sappy Sap, Slow Burn, Smut, This fic celebrates Chakotay’s vegetarianism, This fic is for everyone dreaming of post-pandemic life, Trauma Recovery, You have been warned about the Slow Burn, and these two like to drink, and travel, but not excessively, eventually, fluffy fluff, involving such exotic activities as, really slow burn, slight canon deviations, walking carefree down a crowded city street
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:28:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 28,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29077860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SereneVenus/pseuds/SereneVenus
Summary: Voyager is back in the Alpha Quadrant. Kathryn and Chakotay have some long overdue conversations, manage to surprise each other, and boldly go where they’ve never gone before.
Relationships: Chakotay & Kathryn Janeway, Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Comments: 80
Kudos: 126





	1. The Holidays

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you, all you amazing J/C shippers, for keeping the love alive.

“You’re welcome to spend the holidays with me and my family, Chakotay.”

Chakotay looked up from his PADD and into Kathryn’s clear blue eyes. Seated across from him behind her Ready Room desk, she exuded a calm he’d never seen her allow herself on Deck One. _Voyager_ had been back in the Alpha Quadrant for a week, parked in Earth’s orbit, and following medical clearance, family reunions, and a spectacular homecoming ball, the crew was preparing for a two-week shore leave that would coincide with the traditional winter holiday season. Upon their return, they would begin a debriefing period expected to last three months.

Many were planning to spend shore leave with family or friends on Earth or nearby, while others, whose families were too far away to make a roundtrip feasible, had booked vacation homes in some of the Sol System’s most desirable locales. Chakotay was the only member of the crew who hadn’t decided what to do. The outgoing trip to Trebus took two weeks, so visiting his sister Sekaya and her family was out of the question. Truth be told, he was enjoying not having any plans.

Chakotay had been pained by the greater-than-usual distance Kathryn had kept between them for the last few months. Since Quarra, he realized, as his stomach twisted ever so slightly. He had loved her deeply all these years, and hoped, based on thousands of subtle behavioral cues on her part, that she might feel the same way, too. But she’d made it clear she considered it unethical for a captain to become romantically involved with anyone under her command. So Chakotay had reconciled himself to loving Kathryn at the arm’s length she allowed him as her best friend and confidant. As her best friend, he felt completely at ease accepting her offer, but in light of the unspoken twinned distance and longing between them, he couldn’t help but feel trepidatious. Sighing inwardly, he swallowed his fears and summoned his most convincing I’m-fine-with-just-being-best-friends demeanor.

“That’s very generous of you, Kathryn. Shouldn’t you check with your mother, first?”

“I don’t have to. My mother’s house is always open to stranded college students, Starfleet officers between assignments, and Phoebe’s wandering artist friends. She’d be thrilled to have you. And so would I.” She gave him a smile of genuine delight, the one that made his heart sing.

Chakotay’s dimples came out in full force. “I’d love to, Kathryn, thank you. And thank Gretchen.”

“You can thank her yourself when we arrive.”

As their gazes returned to their respective PADDs, Chakotay wondered if she’d invited him because she saw him as a stray crew member, or because she wanted to bring _him_ home.

*

Sipping coffee the morning of their departure, Kathryn wondered if Chakotay had agreed to accompany her home out of politeness or a true desire to spend time with her and her family. She was ashamed about hiding her desire to bring him home behind her family’s commitment to hospitality. And she regretted that she’d become more distant from him after Quarra, even as she stood by her decision. Having had a taste of the romantic life she wanted with Jaffen, upon the return of her memories she desired that life more than ever with Chakotay, and yet felt all the more keenly that she could not take that risk as long as she was his captain. She also had no idea whether he even felt that way about her anymore. He continued to respect all her boundaries while remaining warm, endearing, and obstinately sexy. She’d always imagined that, once they got home, they would find a way to be together. But now, in addition to the obstacle of the unspoken distance between them, she wasn’t sure whether they might both end up serving on _Voyager_ again at the conclusion of the debriefings. And, thanks to Admiral Janeway, she was aware of his possible future marriage with Seven, though Kathryn couldn’t bear to contemplate it. At least, she sighed quietly to herself, she could count on enjoying his friendship for the foreseeable future.

They materialized in Bloomington’s main transporter station in the late afternoon on Christmas Eve. Gretchen popped out of the hovercar all warm hugs and smiles, greeting Chakotay as if he had been a fixture of their family’s Christmas celebration for years. As they arrived at the house, a well-preserved exemplar of mid-twentieth century modernism, whose elegant wood beams and wide glass expanses perfectly framed the long rows of cornfields and scattered stately pine trees in the distance, Chakotay watched Kathryn’s features relax in a way he hadn’t seen since New Earth, and he felt his heart relax with her. Standing before the wall of windows lining his spacious guest room, as an inky twilight descended on Indiana’s peaceful countryside, he felt a surge of hope for something more between them.

*

Kathryn’s younger sister Phoebe arrived with her family early Christmas morning. She and her wife, Aisha, were a stunningly beautiful couple. After meeting many years before at an artists’ retreat, they’d been inseparable, and had settled in Aisha’s hometown, Casablanca, whose abundant sunlight inspired Phoebe’s paintings and Aisha’s sculptures. Their twin seven-year old daughters, Venus and Serena, had been born a few weeks after Voyager’s disappearance. Bereft, Phoebe and Aisha had named their girls after the twenty-first century sister tennis icons Kathryn had so admired in her youth.

Gretchen served coffee in the living room, and Phoebe and Aisha sat on the couch opposite Kathryn and Chakotay, gazing at them with knowing yet unobtrusive eyes. Chakotay envied the uninhibited way the two women sat entwined, occasionally reaching out a lanky arm to embrace one daughter, or stretching out a long leg to surprise the other with a gentle poke or tickle. Kathryn wept in silent joy as she watched her nieces flitting about, chatting quietly in the secret language twins share. They beamed endlessly at Kathryn and Chakotay and lavished all the adults equally with kisses and hugs.

Venus and Serena gasped with delight when opening Chakotay’s presents, miniature hand-carved, hand-painted wooden replicas of _Voyager_ and the _Delta Flyer_ , intricately detailed yet sturdily constructed. Awed, Kathryn wondered how he’d managed to carve them with such short notice. She then produced seven Delta Quadrant-sourced presents for each of her nieces, one for each of the years she had been away. Chakotay could hardly believe she had collected and stored so many gifts over the years.

As the girls twirled about the wrapping paper-strewn living room, flying their tiny new spacecraft while their shimmering scarves of the finest Sikarian silk trailed behind them, Phoebe announced, “Girls, Auntie Katie has more than made up for the seven years she was away.” Glaring at Kathryn, she continued, “Next year, and from now on, she’s only giving you one present each.” 

Serena gazed up at her aunt, wide eyes shining. “Are you sure you’re not going away for another seven years?”

A startled hush fell over the room. 

Kathryn held Serena’s gaze a long moment, then said evenly, “Not if we can help it.” She cracked a smile, Chakotay laughed, and the rest of the adults in the room exhaled.

*

Kathryn felt triumphant when her mother brought out the plant-based turkey, a concession to Chakotay’s vegetarianism, and meat-ravenous Phoebe didn’t notice the difference.

In addition to all the plant-based trimmings, Gretchen served a salad of delicate Vulcan greens grown from seedlings Tuvok and T’Pel had offered her one Christmas many years ago. The salad had become one of Kathryn’s favorites and the family’s traditional Christmas dinner palate cleanser.

“The salad is even better than I remember.”

“How is Tuvok’s treatment going on Vulcan?”

“Very well, Mom. T’Pel has been updating me regularly. He should be able to join us for the debriefings in a month or so.”’

Admiral Janeway’s violation of the Temporal Prime Directive was classified, so Kathryn’s family knew next to nothing about how or why _Voyager_ had returned so quickly. Only Chakotay could read the flurry of Kathryn’s micro-expressions when Gretchen mentioned Tuvok’s name: relief at having brought him home in time to receive the cure for his degenerative neurological illness, shock and dismay at the tactics Admiral Janeway had used to make their return possible, and fear that Kathryn herself might abandon her most cherished principles in later life. He decided to change the subject.

“Gretchen, how did you become a galaxy-renowned cook?”

“Chakotay, you shameless flatterer! I always loved cooking, but I only began studying the art and science of it seriously while writing my dissertation. One can only stare at equations for so many hours of the day. I needed to get up from my desk and use other parts of my brain. The rest is history.”

The conversation flowed freely after that. Anecdotes about interplanetary cuisine flew across the table, which led to a debate about interplanetary relations and the effectiveness of Federation reconstruction policies after the Dominion War, which segued into a discussion of the meaning of sacrifice and a comparison of the pros and cons of practicing Lent and Ramadan. Aisha preferred Lent because each individual can choose their own challenges, whereas Phoebe argued that Ramadan was more meaningful, if more difficult, because everyone in the community shared the same experience of fasting and breaking the fast. Chakotay enjoyed how they praised one another’s traditions and was impressed to learn about the pan-spiritual education they’d planned for their daughters, who would be free to choose their own faith, or no faith at all, once they reached adulthood.

To distract the twins while Gretchen cut the caramel brownies, Chakotay asked them what they wanted to be when they grew up. “Do you want to be artists like your mothers, starship captains and scientists like your aunt, professors and mathematicians like your grandmother, or something else?”

“I’m going to be a sushi chef!” declared Serena.

“I want to be President of the Federation!” Venus exclaimed.

The adults laughed. “They will surpass us all,” Phoebe whispered to Kathryn.

Venus tapped Chakotay’s arm. “What do you do, Uncle Chakotay?”

Chakotay stole a hooded glance at Kathryn, worried that she would disapprove of Venus’s adoption of him as her “uncle,” but Kathryn was smiling widely at her niece.

“I help your Aunt Kathryn on _Voyager_ , and I’m an anthropologist.”

“What does that mean?” Venus asked.

“I study groups of people to understand why they do what they do.”

“But can you really know what’s in someone’s heart?”

Chakotay dared not look up at Kathryn again. “Most anthropologists believe that, based on observing behaviors, you can come up with an explanation, called a theory, that everyone can use to understand those behaviors until a better theory comes along.”

A smile of recognition came over Venus’s face. “So you’re a scientist, too, like Auntie Katie.”

“Yes.” Chakotay smiled back.

Kathryn reveled in the way her family automatically embraced Chakotay as one of their own, and loved him for fitting in seamlessly, ever his sincere, solicitous self. She wanted to bring him home every Christmas. And on occasional long weekends. And to Lake George in the summer. She had to stop this train of thought, she told herself.

They helped Gretchen clean up while Phoebe and Aisha put the twins, and themselves, to bed, noting that the time difference was catching up with them. Gretchen soon excused herself as well, so Kathryn and Chakotay finished the evening in the armchairs by the fireplace, sipping tumblers of Gretchen’s finest Irish whiskey.

“Chakotay, I’m so sorry. After putting up with me so patiently for seven years, how do I reward you? By dragging you into a hornet’s nest of six strong-willed Janeway women!”

“Kathryn, your family is wonderful. Each and every one of them is so present and alive to the world in her own way. I’ve never been so quickly and thoroughly showered with affection.”

“It’s only natural. You’re irresistible.”

When Kathryn made flirtatious remarks like that, Chakotay couldn’t tell anymore whether she was sincerely trying to draw him in or politely keep him at arm’s length. Taking a breath, he told himself that however she might feel about him now, he shouldn’t doubt her good intentions. He dragged his eyes away from the dancing flames and turned to face her.

“It’s a pleasure to spend time with intelligent, beautiful, confident women, whether they’re seven years old, seventy, or anywhere in between.”

“I’m so happy to share them with you, Chakotay.”

*

Kathryn and Chakotay’s days fell into a pattern. After breakfast, they either helped Gretchen with projects around the house or joined Venus, Serena, and their moms for sledding and other adventures in the snow. After lunch, Kathryn and Chakotay went for long walks, sometimes through the fields, sometimes in Bloomington, where Kathryn took him to her favorite bookstores and cafés. He was especially taken by the antique bookstore where Kathryn would curl up in a corner and read for hours as a young girl. They also called on a few of Kathryn’s childhood friends, all of whom welcomed Chakotay as if they’d always expected him to accompany her home, and although no one directly asked them if they were a couple, neither did they act as if it were any other way. Kathryn seemed overjoyed by these renewed connections, though from time to time, as they sat reading by the fire after dinner, he caught her gazing into the distance with a look he had never seen before and which he was loath to interpret, because he thought it might be dread.

One sunny, slightly warmer day, after they had been walking for hours, they found themselves at Kathryn’s thinking tree just before sunset. They sat down and leaned against its trunk.

“How are you doing, Kathryn?”

“I’m happier than I thought I could be, but it’s all a bit overwhelming. Thank you for being here and walking through it with me.”

“Thank you for having me. I’ve realized that I needed to make this transition more gradually, too, and I’m grateful for your and your family’s company.”

“We all need to take our time. We need to reassure ourselves that it’s real. I keep telling myself that Q wouldn’t have the patience to pull a sadistic trick of this magnitude and it’s unlikely any other species would have the resources to do so.”

“You did it. You got your crew home.”

“We did it, Chakotay. I could never have done it without you.”

Suddenly, Kathryn’s breathing became labored and Chakotay realized she was sobbing. He pulled her into his arms and held her through the waves of shock, grief, and relief that the enormous burden of getting them all home had finally been lifted from her. He kissed her forehead, whispering, “Let it go, let it go.”

*

The next day, at the end of another long walk, Kathryn confessed, “I’m starting to worry about the debriefings.”

“I’ve noticed you’ve seemed distracted lately after dinner.”

“Months before the Admiral came on board, Starfleet pardoned the Maquis and your provisional commissions were regularized, the Doctor’s sentience and right to his mobile emitter were recognized, and Seven and Icheb were guaranteed freedom and self-determination as citizens of the Federation. Starfleet’s been up to date with our reports and logs since we established contact with Pathfinder. Every admiral I’ve spoken to has assured me that the sole purpose of the debriefings is to educate Starfleet about the Delta Quadrant. Their motivations sound eminently reasonable. Why am I so worried?”

“They’re going to dredge up a lot of memories that may be difficult to revisit. Even though there won’t be any hearings, it’s going to feel like they’re putting your command in question. Putting all our decisions in question.”

“I wish we had more time. Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like to take three more decades to get home, gradually, passing through the Beta Quadrant.”

“That was the reality we’d been expecting until two weeks ago. But you would have missed your nieces growing up! And, if Admiral Janeway is to be believed, we would have lost many more crew members.”

Kathryn shuddered to think about other heartbreaking details Admiral Janeway had shared. “I’m glad we’ll all be meeting with counselors regularly.”

“Likewise.” Chakotay mused that some crew members would probably need to meet with their counselors long after the debriefings were over. His captain first among them.

*

Chakotay decided to spend the second week of shore leave in Arizona. “To give you some time alone with your family, and me the chance to reconnect to my ancestors,” he explained under the thinking tree.

Kathryn drove him to the transporter station in Bloomington and got out of the hovercar as he pulled his bag out of the back seat. He put his hands on her shoulders. “This week has been precious to me. I feel as if I’ve been wrapped in your family’s embrace.”

She wrapped her arms around his. “I can see why you would need some time alone,” she smirked.

He chuckled. “I didn’t mean it that way.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I think I’m having a bit of separation anxiety.”

“I understand. I’m a comm away. Bur remember – you beat the Kazon, the Borg, the Hirogen. You can handle a week alone with your family.”

“Noted.” She pulled him into a warm embrace. Neither of them allowed it to last too long, despite their secret wishes to the contrary. “Have a restful week, Chakotay.”

“You too, Kathryn.”

*

Gretchen was waiting in the kitchen with pot of coffee.

“So.”

“So.”

“Chakotay is an exquisite human being.”

“Is there something you’d like to say to me, Mom?”

“Actually, I was wondering if you want to talk about what happened to the two of you out there.”

“Oh, did you catch my nervous breakdown under the thinking tree the other day? That was just shock at our return.”

“Of course it was. What I meant was, do you want to talk about what happened to the two of you in the Delta Quadrant?”

“I’m not sure I’m ready to talk about that. Not even to my counselor. All I know is that I can count on him for anything. And I hope he still feels the same way about me.”

Gretchen poured them both another cup of coffee, keeping her patient eyes trained on her silent, heroic, traumatized daughter.

*

Chakotay set up his simple campsite in no time. After dinner, he brought his medicine bundle next to the fire, placed his fingers on the Akoonah, and closed his eyes.

“Akoocheemoya, against all odds, I have returned to the sacred places of my grandfathers and to the bones of my ancestors. Perhaps there is a spirit in these skies who will answer the question that weighs on me day and night.”

He opened his eyes and found himself in Kathryn’s quarters on Voyager, sitting in his habitual armchair. Kathryn wasn’t there, but his spirit guide was sitting on the couch where Kathryn usually sat. The she-wolf’s fur coat seemed thicker than usual, as if she were preparing for a long winter.

“Welcome back, Chakotay.”

“It’s good to be back.”

“You’re wondering where your home is, now.”

“Yes. _Voyager_ has been my home, and Kathryn has been my peace. But now that we’re back in the Alpha Quadrant, and we don’t know yet whether any of us will continue serving on _Voyager_ , I’m not sure where I’m meant to be.”

He blinked and found himself sitting alone under Kathryn’s thinking tree. With a flash, he was in his chair on _Voyager_ ’s bridge, alone. Another flash, and he was in their cabin in New Earth, sitting at his sand painting table, alone again. He blinked and returned to Kathryn’s _Voyager_ quarters and to his spirit guide.

“Chakotay,” she intoned softly, “you know how to find your way home. Don’t let external circumstances distract you.”

He closed his eyes and a cool nighttime breeze washed over him. He was in the desert once again, and his body ached from prolonged sitting. He took a deep breath, opened his eyes, and moved to stoke the fire.


	2. The Perfect San Francisco Saturday

For the duration of the debriefings, the crew lived in a temporary housing high-rise on the Starfleet campus. It blended functionality with a minimalist hotel vibe, and the crew took to calling their new residence “Voyager Two.” Spacious quarters were allotted to everyone, with the understanding that family members might visit frequently, and, in some cases, live on-site for the duration of the debriefings. During the first few weeks, anyone standing outside the building at an optimal distance would have seen several crew members at their windows, transfixed by the sweeping views of Golden Gate Park and the Pacific Ocean, which many of them had doubted they would ever see again.

When the logistics officers asked, as a matter of course, if there was anything they could do to make the crew’s stay more pleasant, Kathryn requested that a few chefs, representing the full swath of Alpha Quadrant cuisines, be made available to cook meals from scratch for the crew. They were, after all, reeling from seven years of Neelix’s leola root concoctions and replicator fare. The Voyagers’ devotion to Captain Janeway had long been absolute, but soon after they learned the news that her request had been approved, more than a few of them, drunk on gastronomic bliss, and sometimes also real alcohol, were moved to promise her their first born child.

A large multi-purpose room on the second floor was converted into a dining room with round tables seating six to ten. At mealtimes, Kathryn and Chakotay would occupy a six-seater in the far corner by the windows, where crew members could approach them in semi-privacy with pressing issues. The most common complaint concerned the debriefing officers’ entitled behavior during sessions held on _Voyager_. When a stellar cartographer began dismantling a panel in Astrometrics without asking Seven’s permission, she would’ve ripped his arm off if Kathryn hadn’t intervened in time. Chakotay had to mediate between B’Elanna (who, like Tom, really should’ve been spending more time on parental leave) and two Utopia Planetia engineers who wanted to inspect the plasma relays outfitted with Borg technology. Her people had spent months perfecting the integration of Borg components with Voyager’s hyper-sensitive bioneural gel packs, and had created a shielding system to prevent the vast majority of energy fluctuations from disrupting the delicate balance of technologies. When the UP engineers tried to scan past the shielding system, B’Elanna went into overdrive and knocked their equipment out of their hands, breaking a few of their fingers along the way. She immediately apologized, blaming her postpartum hormones, and, after The Doctor’s expedient ministrations, the officers eventually accepted her apology, but never returned to the ship again.

Shortly afterward, the command team met with Admiral Paris. With no Federation Starbases in the Delta Quadrant to turn to for repairs or replenishments, they explained, the crew was used to treating the ship and its technology as irreplaceable, and couldn’t be expected to adjust so soon to inspection teams rifling through the vessel that had been both their home and their only way home for so long. All debriefings were subsequently rescheduled to take place in conference rooms at Starfleet Headquarters, and in lieu of the show-and-tell sessions on the ship, crewmembers prepared presentations and simulations for the display terminals or conference table hologrids.

Kathryn and Chakotay also worked closely with a handful of crewpersons whose return to the Alpha Quadrant was proving especially difficult. Some arrived estranged from family members; others had lost loved ones while in the Delta Quadrant. A few former Maquis had to confront anew the double loss of family members and former comrades in arms. Kathryn asked a few counselors to form a grief support group dedicated solely to Voyagers, and a couple times a week Chakotay held an informal support group at the bar down the street. The command team also paid their respects, in person whenever possible, to the families of crew members who had died in the Delta Quadrant. They had already done so during the short communication windows Pathfinder provided, but they knew that _Voyager_ ’s return without their loved ones would be especially hard on them, and wanted to make sure they all had the support they needed. Sometimes one or two of the crew, who had been close to the deceased, accompanied them to visit the bereaved families. Those days usually ended with Kathryn sobbing in her tub and Chakotay beating the punching bag to oblivion.

Both in spite of and thanks to these challenges, Kathryn and Chakotay felt good about continuing their work as an effective and beloved command team in the Alpha Quadrant. At first, Kathryn worried about not having a purpose as all-encompassing and meaningful as bringing the crew home. But she soon discovered that shepherding her people through this transition was amply rewarding. She took pride in presenting their work in the best possible light and laying the groundwork for the best possible future of each crewperson, whether they might remain assigned to _Voyager_ or not. And she was delighted to spend so many waking hours with Chakotay. Her necessary command distance was still there, but it wasn’t nearly as awkward as before. Their partial shore leave together at her mother’s house had re-infused their command partnership and friendship with warmth and even tenderness.

Chakotay derived a sense of peace from co-shepherding the _Voyager_ flock with Kathryn while lightening her burdens whenever possible. But his confusion and uncertainty remained. He felt more than ever that she was his home, but wasn’t getting any signals from her that they should feel free to explore a romantic relationship, nor that they should expect to continue serving together after the debriefings and extended leave, whether on _Voyager_ or elsewhere.

Many of the crew traveled around Earth or the Sol System during the weekends, visiting people and places familiar and new. Kathryn often left on Friday evening to stay with her mother or her sister’s family, returning Sunday evening. Chakotay’s weekends alternated between desert camping trips and visits with his former Academy colleagues, some of whom still resided in San Francisco, while others were now teaching at universities all over Earth, from Amsterdam to Yaoundé.

On the last Friday evening in January, Chakotay found Kathryn sitting by herself in the dining room, sipping red wine and staring out the window. She was beautiful even in her fatigue, as if it somehow sharpened her small frame and delicate features. Catching his eye, she motioned for him to sit down, and poured him a glass.

“I thought you’d be long off to your mother’s or sister’s by now.”

“Mom’s at a conference in Cairo this weekend and Phoebe’s family is visiting Japan to indulge Serena’s passion for sushi! They all need time to themselves after pampering me every weekend. So I thought I’d see what’s changed and what’s stayed the same in San Francisco.”

“That sounds wonderful.”

“What are you doing this weekend, Chakotay?”

“It’s my first weekend without any plans. I thought I’d wake up tomorrow and see what I feel like then.”

Kathryn felt a shot of courage run through her body. “Tell you what – if you wake up and feel like trying out ‘Kathryn’s perfect San Francisco Saturday,’ you should join me.”

The dimples appeared. “I will.”

“I’ll comm you at 0900. Wear your walking shoes.”

*

Kathryn and Chakotay occupied corner suites at the opposite ends of Voyager Two’s forty-seventh and top floor. The rest of the floor remained empty for the duration of their stay, as it was reserved for officers of command rank only. Although they both found it a bit lonely, neither one requested to be moved to a lower floor, as if secretly relishing a small bit of privacy shared by them alone. The distance between their quarters was also disconcerting, as they’d grown accustomed to living side-by-side as neighbors on Voyager, but again, they were both afraid to appear impolite by turning down top floor corner suites. Kathryn giggled to recall that, after settling in on their first day, they’d exchanged a look that communicated all these thoughts without either of them saying a word.

At 0905 Saturday morning, they met at the bank of lifts midway between their quarters. They laughed when they saw they were dressed like twins, in sneakers, dark jeans, and t-shirts topped with jackets and scarves in anticipation of a slight chill off the Pacific. After a brief hover-trolley ride, they were wandering through an enormous open air farmer’s market on the Embarcadero, flanked by species from all over the Federation. It was lively but not crowded, and reminded Chakotay of many open air markets they had visited on trade missions or shore leave in the Delta Quadrant. He was a bit taken aback to realize that the Delta Quadrant was now his automatic point of reference in the Alpha, not the other way around.

It was relaxing, however, to peruse the market without thinking about what supplies _Voyager_ might need or how best to haggle with the merchants. Sometimes passersby smiled at them and offered simple, non-intrusive greetings, which Kathryn and Chakotay politely returned. They knew they were easily recognized from the holovids of their arrival, and were grateful that in the twenty-fourth century it was customary to respect everyone’s privacy, even that of celebrities. After a long meander, Kathryn walked up to a colorful stall and ordered two fresh baguette sandwiches for lunch, a tea for Chakotay and a large coffee for herself. They settled on a bench overlooking the water. Kathryn was letting her hair grow long again, and Chakotay enjoyed how the ocean breeze loosened strands from her ponytail and how the sunlight brought out her red and gold highlights. He wanted to celebrate their small Alpha Quadrant victories.

“The crew’s debriefings have been going well.”

“They’re going much better now that the debriefing officers aren’t pulling the ship apart while we explain our modifications.” Kathryn eyed him a moment. “I noticed that you said ‘the crew’s’ debriefings. How are you feeling about your own?”

“Oh, they’re mostly painless, Kathryn. For me, the hardest part was having to rehash the whole Seska debacle, and especially to recall how many spies were lurking on my Maquis ship. It wasn’t great for my self-confidence then, and it’s not doing wonders for me now.” The conversation wasn’t going in the direction Chakotay had planned, but he was glad to be able to open up to her.

“She fooled us all, Chakotay.”

“We definitely became better tacticians afterward, but since then, it’s been harder for me to trust.”

Kathryn feared he was indirectly commenting about their own relationship, but wasn’t ready to ask him about it. “I, for one, was not happy to revisit our foiled alliance with the Kazon.”

“That was my fault for talking you into it.”

“You weren’t the only one – even Tuvok thought it was a good idea at the time. It was ultimately my decision, and I can’t deny the value of the experiment, high costs notwithstanding. Sometimes you have to put your principles to the test. Leadership is more often about being wrong and learning from it, rather than trying to adhere to some ideal standard of always being right.”

“The way they’re going through our logs with such a fine-toothed comb, I sometimes wonder whether they’ll be able to see a bigger picture that will be useful to Starfleet in any quadrant.”

“I’m certain they’re fascinated by all the data about how Starfleet officers perform when isolated. They probably intend to refine the protocols for long-term, deep space missions. And unforeseen strandings.”

“I hope they’ll share their findings with us.”

“It’s the least they can do.”

“And we should be able to contest their findings if we see fit.”

“Agreed. I’ll see if we can collaborate with them on those new protocols.”

Chakotay admired her unflappable energy. It was important to them all that Starfleet valued their Delta Quadrant experience, and especially to Kathryn that their contributions would earn them a say in what would happen to them next. He hoped their return to Starfleet’s purview would not stifle the strength of self-determination they’d all developed at so high a cost.

*

After lunch they ambled down the steep streets of Russian Hill, admired the stately architecture of Nob Hill, and ended up at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art. Over 400 years old, its collections spanned millennia of Alpha, Beta, and Gamma Quadrant art works deemed “modern” by their originary cultures. At the entrance, Kathryn and Chakotay exchanged a knowing glance: pending a mountain of Starfleet paperwork, they were looking forward to bequeathing to several Federation museums, including SFMOMA, artworks they had received as gifts on behalf of the Federation in trade and diplomatic exchanges with Delta Quadrant societies.

They began their visit on the first floor and worked their way up to the top. Kathryn was especially taken by an exhibition of some of the museum’s earliest acquisitions, paintings by women artists of Earth from the twentieth and twenty-first centuries, including Frida Kahlo, Georgia O’Keefe, and Etel Adnan. Chakotay became absorbed by an imposing set of sculptures that had been constructed through a process of collective telekinesis.

The top floor was dedicated to an exhibition of visual, aural, and tactile installations by artists who’d survived Wolf 359. The works ranged from neutral to violent in composition and tone, and miniscule to gargantuan in scale. To their surprise and relief, Kathryn and Chakotay were comforted to find many works whose raw shock, horror, awe, and incomprehension resonated with their own encounters with the Borg . They were a bit put off, however, by a macabre, life-sized pile of Borg corpses reminiscent of the one Kes had seen telepathically during the conflict between the Borg and Species 8472. But in all, the exhibition left them both with a sense of having come full circle: they knew that if ever they had to face the Borg again, they would not have to do it alone.

At sunset, they emerged on the museum’s roof, which housed a garden and restaurant. The aroma of roasting vegetables wafted by and they realized that several hours of staring at art had built up their appetite. They sat down and before long were devouring a lasagna stuffed with rooftop-grown vegetables and washing it down with a bottle of Château Picard.

“Kathryn, what a wonderful afternoon. Even before I left for the Maquis, I hadn’t been here in years.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it, and I’m relieved we had a good experience in the Wolf 359 exhibit. I was worried that one or both of us would have a negative reaction to it, but either way I thought it would be important to see.”

“It made a difference that the works were all made by survivors. I feel more connected to that community now than ever.”

“I feel the same way.”

“Were you a frequent museum goer when you lived in San Francisco?”

“Occasionally when I was a student and pretty regularly when I was older. Phoebe and Aisha always made it a point to come here when they visited. I’ve learned a lot from listening to them respond to different works.” Kathryn contemplated her wine glass, took a deep breath, and looked up into his deep black eyes. “Chakotay, I had an epiphany in there about our disagreement during the Borg war with Species 8472. You were right to tell me that sometimes I need to step back and examine my assumptions. I realize now that I found it unthinkable to stay in the Delta Quadrant because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to redeem myself for stranding us all out there. I don’t regret that the decisions I made got us home in the end, but I wish I could have listened to your disagreements without mistaking them for disloyalty.”

Chakotay stared into his wine glass. He wasn’t expecting Kathryn to have arrived at this level of self-awareness, and had certainly never imagined that she would admit to having lost her perspective on this particular matter. His heart beat faster against the walls of his chest; in spite of the awkwardness of the moment, it was possible that he had never loved her more.

He looked into her hesitant eyes. “I appreciate you saying that, Kathryn, and for what it’s worth, I understand why you reacted the way you did. It doesn’t take much for a disagreement in a life-and-death situation to be construed as disloyalty. For my part, I regret delivering those disagreements with so much anger.”

“Don’t. Your anger was an effective indicator of the danger you perceived. I just react differently to warnings than most people: when someone tells me not to take a risk I want to take the risk even more. I’ve been working with my counselor about checking that reaction.”

“Was it difficult to go over that episode in the debriefings?”

“No. Admiral Necheyev wants to commend us for our strategic alliance with the Borg, of all things. They’re much more concerned about Species 8472 and their simulations of Starfleet.”

“That’s probably wise. Although there’s no sign that Species 8472 has made any incursions into the Alpha Quadrant.”

“Maybe that Borg corpse installation is proof that they’re here?” Kathryn wondered, half-smirking, half-serious.

“Should we tell Starfleet to investigate?”

“It couldn’t hurt.”

*

Exiting the museum, they strolled unhurriedly down Mission Street, solemnly taking in the charred ruins of buildings destroyed during the Dominion War. After a while, they took a right and then a left, and arrived at the War Memorial Opera House, its Beaux Arts architecture intact and pristine. In the lobby, as Kathryn admired the gilded ceilings, Chakotay took two flutes of champagne off a white-gloved server’s tray. While the bubbles tickled down her throat, Kathryn observed the diversity of species and their vestimentary choices. Some were dressed to the nines, while others, like she and Chakotay, were in their street clothes.

She remarked, “I like how democratic the theater is; everyone comes as they are, as they want to be.”

“Agreed. It can be fun to dress up, though.”

“Yes. Let’s do that sometime soon.”

“It’s a date.” Chakotay grinned. Kathryn flushed, and hoped he didn’t notice.

The seating bell rang and an usher led them to a box where a bucket of chilled champagne waited for them on a marble pedestal.

“You got us a box, Kathryn?”

“Not at all. The theater must have recognized our names when I made the reservation. I wish people wouldn’t give us special treatment.”

“Let them. You above all are most deserving of special treatment.”

Kathryn was grateful the lights dimmed at that moment. Why, she wondered to herself, was she blushing like a school girl around Chakotay this evening?

*

San Francisco had declared 2378 a year of celebrating ancient women pioneers in the arts. In parallel to the exhibition of women painters at the museum, the San Francisco Ballet’s spring season was dedicated to women choreographers, and that evening the company was dancing an almost 400 year old ballet, _Night_ , choreographed by Julia Adam in the year 2000. Although it had obviously been set on human beings alone, its dreamscape of fantastical characters was easily adapted for the inclusive, multi-species company SF Ballet had become. Kathryn was enthralled by the dancers, who moved at lightning speed without sacrificing precision or pathos, their movements teasing out the complexity of the thrumming strings and percussion. How little had changed between pre-warp times and now, she thought to herself, watching the lithe athlete-artists propelling their bodies toward and away from each other, catching each other and letting go, sharing the strength and vulnerability of their bodies for a few instants, and moving on.

Chakotay quickly discovered an unexpected advantage to their box seats. As the box was set at a slight angle, Kathryn sat closer to the stage, and he could watch both her and the ballet without her being aware. He carefully noted her responses to the different moments of the performance. She seemed especially moved by the tender, sensual pas de deux, and at several points hovered on the edge of her seat in rapt anticipation of the dancers’ every move. Chakotay was touched by her utter immersion. For the first time he’d seen since they’d visited her family over the holidays, Kathryn was letting go of her captainly need to feel in control at all times. She’d actually done so all day, he realized, and felt quietly jubilant at her freedom in his company.

They walked out of the theater into a cool evening breeze billowing off the Pacific.

“What did you think, Chakotay?

“I loved it. I never imagined I’d watch dancers portray how the unconscious sorts out our desires and leaves us with so many unfinished tangents. It was also fascinating to guess which dancers were dreaming and which dancers were in the dream. Not every work of art succeeds at being whimsical and serious and beautiful all at the same time.”

Kathryn beamed at him. “A soldier _and_ a philosopher!”

Chakotay stopped them in their tracks, remembering how the younger Kathryn had said the exact same thing to him during the temporal shattering of the ship a few months earlier. This Kathryn had no memory of that, but he was struck by the uncanny repetition. It also frustrated him that, just as in the presence of the younger Kathryn then, he couldn’t tell whether this Kathryn was flirting with him now.

“What?”

“I just wanted to enjoy you smiling,” he quickly recovered. She smiled more and blushed yet again. He wondered if she’d had too much wine and champagne. No, he thought, he’d seen her drink much more and clobber Tom Paris at the pool table – at the real Sandrine’s in Marseille, most recently. After a moment, he added, shyly, “You seemed rather captivated by the ballet, too.”

“Oh yes. At its best, dancers incarnate absolute presence to the music, to their fellow dancers, to the audience. They were spectacular tonight.”

“Do you ever miss dancing?

“Not really. I enjoyed it while I was growing up, but I always knew science and Starfleet would come first once I got older. Now I prefer being an audience member. At the most, I can be persuaded to enjoy social dancing with a good partner.” 

The wheels in Chakotay’s head started turning.

*

They caught a hover-trolley back to Voyager Two and took a lift up to their floor.

“Thank you for this wonderful day, Kathryn. San Francisco has been my home away from home since my student days, and I’m happy that we took the time to really appreciate it today, instead of taking it for granted as so many of us often do.”

“Thank you for accompanying me, Chakotay. I enjoyed getting to know our second home again with you, too.”

“If you haven’t made any plans for tomorrow, would you like to try out my perfect San Francisco Sunday?”

“You’re on.”


	3. The Perfect San Francisco Sunday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end of this chapter was inspired by northernexposure's ["Hidden Talents"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20030677/chapters/47431456), Missyhissy3's ["Turning Point"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12821574/chapters/29271462)," and ChakAllTheWay's ["Immortal Longings."](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17219708/chapters/40492913) I never thought I would try to write about dance until I read these awesome stories.

Sunday was slightly warmer, so Kathryn and Chakotay exchanged their jackets for light sweaters but opted for jeans and sneakers again. They walked the few blocks from Voyager Two to Golden Gate Park. It was Chakotay’s habit on Sunday mornings in San Francisco to go for a long run, or join a pick-up hoverball game, but when he was feeling more meditative, he would take a long walk through the Botanical Garden, where they now found themselves. Though the site was famous for its greenhouses of endangered species from around the galaxy, the locals most often spent time in the vast gardens dedicated to preserving indigenous species, especially medicinal plants, noble magnolias, and high-elevation trees. In the morning mist, the cloud forests took on a majestic, heavenly aura, and the two friends walked in contemplative silence for some time.

After a while, Kathryn turned to Chakotay. “It seems we’re both feeling meditative this morning.”

“Yes. It feels so luxurious to stay planetside after all those years on the ship. It’s hard not to be awed by the glory of nature, even in this meticulously controlled environment.”

“It seems odd now that no one complained much about our ship-bound existence in the Delta Quadrant.”

“We did have our fair share of away missions and shore leaves.”

“And the Airponics Bay. And even a holodeck could do in a pinch.”

They came upon a small lake blanketed by mist and surrounded on three sides by steep, tree-dense rises. “These cloud forests remind me of the landscape in Unimatrix Zero,” Kathryn observed. 

“Is that good or bad?”

“Neither, though it was just as breathtaking as this.” She paused. “It’s strange that my Delta Quadrant memories are now the reference for my Alpha Quadrant experiences.”

“I had a similar feeling yesterday in the market. I suppose reverse culture shock is only to be expected.”

“It’s much stronger than that. Maybe we should call it Reverse Quadrant Shock?”

They both laughed. Chakotay retorted, “We should share that with our counselors. I’m sure they’ll publish plenty of papers about it!” They laughed again, but suddenly he became very serious, and took a hold of Kathryn’s arm. “Watching you leave to be assimilated on that cube was one of the most terrifying moments of my life. Please don’t ever make me do anything like that again.”

“I won’t if I can help it,” she replied evenly. The anguished look in Chakotay’s eyes startled Kathryn. Maybe he does still love me, she thought to herself, and wondered how she could possibly still deserve his love, after all the years of pushing him away.

She sought a path back to their earlier tranquility, looping her arm through his and resuming their languid pace. “Some of these trees have been here for over 500 years. I wonder how they experience the passage of time and the parade of generations.”

Chakotay felt comforted when she drew them closer together. He replied steadily, his panic having ended as abruptly as it began, “Some studies argue that trees enjoy their humanoid visitors just as much as we enjoy visiting them. We travel for variety; they have to let the travelers come to them.”

Kathryn offered silent thanks to the trees for welcoming her and Chakotay back from their unthinkably distant travels. 

*

After the mist dissipated, Chakotay and Kathryn made a quick picnic lunch of tacos and beer from a food truck in the park, then took a hover-trolley downtown, and a hover-ferry over to Berkeley. As they crossed the Bay, Kathryn could see how thoroughly the San Francisco skyline had been damaged during the war. In many of the jagged scars in the skyscape, however, reconstruction proceeded apace. Kathryn mourned the city’s losses as a microcosm for those of the Federation, but also felt pride in the volume and progress of rebuilding efforts. She wondered what the fates of her crew would have been if they hadn’t been pulled into the Delta Quadrant. How many of them would have died in the war? Would Chakotay and her former Maquis crewmembers be languishing in prison? The fact that they had avoided such unfortunate demises while on the adventure of a lifetime was yet another reason to stop punishing herself for destroying the Caretaker’s array. My counselor would approve of this line of thought, Kathryn congratulated herself, only partly in jest. Sensing Chakotay’s gentle presence by her side, Kathryn felt a subtle rush of gratitude for her original mission to capture him. _And_ , she allowed herself to think, for five whole seconds, _perhaps I still have him_.

Chakotay brought her to his favorite bookstore near the university, an enormous warehouse of new, used, and antique tomes guaranteed to satisfy their mutual fondness for paper and ink books. They took their time, slowly poring over the shelves, delighting in the unexpected textures and scents of the older volumes. Chakotay scoured the anthropology and history sections and found a comparative history of resistance movements – his Maquis persona reasserting himself, Kathryn teased – and a first edition of the definitive work on Gamma Quadrant mythologies. Kathryn was delighted to discover several new collections by her favorite contemporary poets and a few treatises on quantum physics published in the years of their absence. They each ended up with an armful of books, which the shop promptly transported to their quarters at Starfleet. Then they settled down at the café next door, lattes in hand.

Kathryn was tickled by Chakotay’s excitement in the stacks, the way he unself-consciously buried his nose in one book after another. Imagining him teaching Advanced Tactics at the Academy before resigning his commission to join the Maquis, she sighed inwardly. His actions always radiated from his inner nobility, his ethos of putting others’ needs before his own. Everything Chakotay did added to his allure and sex appeal. How had she not fallen for him while preparing for _Voyager_ ’s original mission in the Badlands? She’d been engaged, she reminded herself, and at the time was focused on the mission, not the person, whom she’d had yet to meet. Kathryn wondered if the teaching bug had bitten him again since their return.

“Have you visited the Academy since we’ve been back?

“I passed through campus quickly on the way to visit some friends a few weeks ago. Apart from some shiny new buildings, it hasn’t changed much.”

“And has reconnecting with your academic colleagues rekindled any desire to go back to teaching?”

“It’s certainly rekindled my friendships with them, which I realize now that I’d taken for granted. I really threw a few of them for a loop when I resigned to join the Maquis, even though many of them sympathized with our cause.” Kathryn nodded, expressing her own sympathy. Chakotay continued, “As for teaching again, I’m sure I would enjoy it. But I’m still trying to figure out what I want in the short term. No offense, but I wasn’t expecting to get back so soon.”

She smiled. “None taken. I feel the same way. I hope Command decides what to do with _Voyager_ soon; once we know if it’s still on the table it’ll help all of us to move forward.”

“Would you ever consider teaching at the Academy, Kathryn?”

“Possibly. I enjoy mentoring young officers, as you know, but never imagined myself a professor.” She paused, and looked him in the eye. “Why did you decide to teach?”

“I’d been serving on ships for close to twenty years. I was longing to plant my two feet on a planet again, and teaching seemed like a meaningful way to give back after all the opportunities I’d received over the years. When the assignment came up, I knew right away I’d take it, but waited a week to accept so they wouldn’t think I was being impulsive.”

“What do you like most about teaching?”

“I love the moment when students realize that surviving and living by their principles don’t have to be conflicting priorities, but can and most often should be one and the same.”

Kathryn smiled. “You put it beautifully. I’ve had exactly that realization in the most rewarding moments of my command.“

Chakotay smiled back and sipped his latte, and Kathryn broke out some advanced tactics of her own. She appeared to be looking out the window but was in fact covertly checking him out via his reflection. He had some residual latte foam on his upper lip and she fantasized about licking it off. She then admired the definition of his muscles underneath his snug navy blue sweater, which also brought out the golden highlights of his complexion, and imagined how his strong hands might feel against her bare skin. She quickly shook herself out of her reverie before he could suspect where her mind had gone.

As they walked back to the hover-ferry, Kathryn wondered whether Chakotay might be longing to live planetside again. If he were to stay on Earth and she were to take command of _Voyager_ again, they could finally explore a relationship, if that’s what he wanted. But even then, would they be able to handle the long separations after seven years of working and living side by side? And did Kathryn really want to go back to space again so soon, after devoting so many years to returning to her beloved home planet? She found it excruciating that they were still living in limbo, seemingly no closer to a true resolution.

*

They returned briefly to Voyager Two.

“Come to my quarters for a second.” He stood in front of the replicator, fingers flying over keys, then handed her a bundle of clothing. “Wear this tonight.”

His confident gestures recalled his demeanor when preparing for diplomatic functions. As their de facto First Contact specialist, Chakotay was often responsible for researching and educating the staff about their new friends’ and allies’ cultural practices. Courtesy of The Doctor, the First Officer always had access to the crew’s up-to-date measurements, and excelled at programming tailored clothing and footwear. Kathryn suppressed another wave of Reverse Quadrant Shock, and reminded herself they were on Earth, in San Francisco. There was a high probability they would be visiting a familiar environment tonight.

She took the bundle from his hands and unfolded a slinky black dress and matching wrap as he handed her a pair of high-heeled silver shoes.

“Chakotay?” She gave him her best amused yet puzzled half-glare.

“It’s my perfect San Francisco Sunday, Kathryn. Trust me. I’ll meet you at the lifts in half an hour.”

She returned to her quarters, her heart aflutter to learn that his perfect San Francisco Sunday involved her wearing a revealing dress and strappy shoes for a mysterious evening out. Apparently, he’d been inspired yesterday by her offhand comment about dressing up. She hadn’t expected that he’d take her up on it so soon. Why wasn’t she worrying about how this potentially romantic ending to their weekend might affect their command relationship? _Oh right_ , she thought _, I’m tired of worrying about everything_. Earlier that week, she’d had a breakthrough in counseling: now that they were back in the Alpha Quadrant, ninety-nine percent of the time anxiety was a choice, not an inevitability. She took a deep breath and chose not to worry about overstepping boundaries with Chakotay. They were just having a fun weekend; not every moment had to be portentous.

Kathryn inspected the dress more carefully. It was an elegantly cut halter top with a low back, a slim, drapey knee-length skirt , and an impressive slit up the right side. The fabric was smooth, luxurious, and, she was sure, sweat-wicking. It fit her like a glove and flattered her figure. She did her makeup to match the glamour of her shoes, threw on a pair of small diamond earrings for a celebratory touch, and pulled her hair into a small chignon at the nape of her neck, letting a few strands loose in the front to soften the look. She peered into her full-length mirror and was surprised to find she looked five years younger. As much as she loved the adrenaline rush of the captaincy, she had to admit that familiar food, unhurried daily workouts, and eight hours of sleep a night agreed with her. And a free weekend with Chakotay seemed to agree with her most of all. 

*

In deference to Kathryn’s stilettoed feet, Chakotay, handsome as ever in a slim-fitting black suit and oxfords, hailed a hover-cab to their destination, Milonga, a new tango salon in the Mission. The space was generous yet intimate; several candlelit tables were arranged in a U-shape around the dance floor, and a sizeable orchestra was busy setting up on a platform by a wall of large windows. They’d arrived at the dinner hour and Chakotay ordered steaks (grass-fed beef for her, plant-based protein for him), salads, and an Argentine Malbec. Their dessert of flourless chocolate cake had just arrived when the conductor raised his baton and dancers of all ages, planetary origins, and gender pairings rose from their seats and assembled in the middle of the room. Kathryn’s ears swelled as the accordion, bandoneon, and cantor dominated the orchestra with soulful harmonies and syncopations. She recognized the lively interpretations of Astor Piazzola’s “Libertango” and Gotan Project’s “Amor Porteño,” as well as a vals by an well-known Klingon composer. As the couples danced counterclockwise in a circle, she was especially taken with a sensual pair of Bolians and the intricate footwork of a Vulcan-Trill couple.

At the end of the first tanda, Kathryn turned to Chakotay. “Have you tried this before?”

“A few times. Would you like to dance?” Chakotay’s eyes were already dancing.

“I would.” Her mouth twisted into that delighted smile and he could feel his heart leaping. They stood to dance as the second tanda began.

Chakotay loved to be astonished, especially by Kathryn. His eyes widened as she raised her arms to meet his – he could tell, from that simple gesture, that this was not her first milonga, and found it fascinating that she had not chosen to divulge that information during dinner. Then again, he hadn’t been wholly forthcoming about his tango experience, either. 

He took her into the basic step, then a few ochos, and discovered that her dress fit so well he could see her abs and obliques when turning her. Her eyes twinkled mischievously when he whipped her into boleos, and he left off holding back. It was the right decision, because whatever he wanted to do, she was right there, following him like a telepath. Kathryn had a sultry repertoire of embellishments, her free foot prone to caressing his leg slowly after paradas or teasing the floor when he held her still. The distance between them felt dangerously close when he caught her strong legs between his in ganchos. And whenever he pulled her closer, her forehead against his cheek and her left shoulder against his chest sent sparks through his body. He relished the silky soft skin of her back and the sweet floral scent of her hair. At the end of one song he pulled her into a leg wrap and then lunged into a dip, and felt her heart beating against his. The look in her eyes was the one that came over her when cradling a long-anticipated cup of coffee or deciding to take a long, hot bath. She was in ecstasy.

He’d thought of bringing her to the tango salon as a fun, low-key activity in keeping with the rest of the day. She knew how to follow in leader-follower dances and was a quick study of stylized movement; he’d thought they’d try a few beginner moves for a while and call it a night. He hadn’t expected her to be so experienced, and so ready to partake in the physical intimacy that was never allowed within their command structure, but expected and embraced in the tango salon. He’d never felt so excited and anxious at the same time, unsure whether tomorrow would bring greater intimacy or retribution.

*

Kathryn was well aware that Chakotay was a good dancer, as they’d danced together during ceremonial functions on many Delta Quadrant worlds. Even though those tended to be staid events, and they could never lose sight of the fact they were on a mission, they did manage to enjoy themselves from time to time. Yet never once had he mentioned his knowledge – apparently deep knowledge – of the tango! Was tonight a coincidence, or had he found out how much she loved it? How? Was he aware of her private holodeck program? Had he wheedled this information out of Phoebe over the holidays? His technique was flawless, and he was at ease experimenting and taking risks. It made for a welcome change, him leading and her following, and she felt both relaxed and excited.

Then it dawned on her that she was focusing on his chest in order to follow his movements. Even through his suit she could make out his well-defined pectorals. The bulge of his right triceps pressed against her left arm, and, when she kicked her legs between his in ganchos, she could feel the power of his hamstrings. She briefly wondered what routines he alternated with his strength training to achieve his agility on the dance floor. Did he also have a private holodeck program? When he pulled her closer, she inhaled the scent of him, spice and sweat and something uniquely Chakotay. She became intently aware of the heat of his hand on the bare skin of her back. When, at the end of one song, he pulled her against him into a dip, Kathryn felt her baseline attraction to Chakotay make the quantum leap to overt desire. She wondered if he could feel her heart thundering through her chest.

The evening turned out to be portentous after all. Kathryn had always known they could be so good together. But before she could spiral down into her habitual abnegation, she remembered that 150 lives weren’t hanging in the balance. And no one knew whether the future would bring them back to _Voyager_. So she allowed herself to enjoy dancing with Chakotay. She wasn’t in a position to promise him anything beyond this night of dancing, but they had the here and now, and she was going to enjoy it to the fullest.

*

Chakotay realized Kathryn was letting her guard down. He knew it could go up any moment – once they left the club, certainly Monday morning. But he could allow himself to enjoy her openness for now. It suffused his whole body with warmth and light.

They returned to their seats at the cortina, both hoping to express an appropriate balance of pleasure and nonchalance.

“Chakotay, that was amazing. I’ve always enjoyed dancing with you but I had no idea you knew how to tango. When did you pick it up?”

“I took all the intramural dance classes I could fit in at the Academy. I figured the increased flexibility and coordination would help me with my hand-to-hand combat skills, and they did, but by the end I was hooked on dance itself.”

“That’s fascinating. I had the same experience in the opposite direction: I enjoyed martial arts training because of its similarities to dance.”

“Kathryn, you were incredible out there. Where did _you_ learn how to tango? Was it part of your classical dance training?”

“No, I never tried anything but ballet until I got to the Academy.”

“Really? I thought you were always too busy studying to fit in extra-curriculars.”

“It’s true that I was single-minded as a student, but my best friend and I went to a tango salon on a mutual dare during our first semester, and after that we tried to go as often as we could, and always after midterms and finals, to celebrate.”

“Which one did you go to?”

“La Confiteria Ideal.”

“Is that in Oakland?”

“It’s in Buenos Aires.”

“Ah.”

*

They danced long into the night. When they finally hover-cabbed back to Voyager Two, they were in high spirits. They passed through the deserted lobby and entered a waiting lift.

Kathryn turned to Chakotay. “We’re going to be tired tomorrow.”

“It was worth it.”

“No doubt.” She frowned suddenly. “This is going to be a rough month. The worst of it is ahead of us.”

“The way I see it, it’s all already happened so the worst of the worst is already behind us. Recounting it together, with the benefit of time and distance, will give us the closure we need to move on.”

Her features softened. “You always know the right thing to say.” She lay her hand on his chest and met his eyes with that look of desire and restraint that he knew all too well. Could she feel his heart aching under her palm?

The lift opened and they stepped out.

“Thank you for spending the perfect San Francisco weekend with me, Chakotay.”

“Thank _you_ , Kathryn.”

“Good night.”

“Good night.”

As they walked away from each other, toward their respective quarters, their wiser feet yearned to take the opposite path.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The word “milonga” refers both to the social gathering where tango is danced and an upbeat dance form and its accompanying music. At a milonga (social gathering), one typically dances the tango, vals, and milonga (dance). 
> 
> “Chakotay loved to be astonished” is a rephrasing of “We who love to be astonished” from Lyn Hejinian’s book-length poem "My Life."


	4. The Nightcap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was inspired by Star Trek: Discovery S3E4, “Forget Me Not,” in which Hugh talks with Michael about their experiences of post-traumatic growth and why they need to pay it forward with Adira Tal.

In mid-February, Starfleet Command decided to suspend _Voyager_ ’s commission for a “study period” of at least two years, so that a team of scientists and engineers could thoroughly review the history and evolution of the ship’s systems and technology in the Delta Quadrant. The study would result in recommendations for implementing similar upgrades in the rest of the fleet. During that time, the _Voyager_ crew would have their pick of assignments, and, once their home ship returned to full duty, they could either request a transfer back to _Voyager_ , or choose to remain at their new posting.

While the debriefings continued, the crew was tasked with preparing projections of Voyager’s future performance over five, ten, fifteen, and twenty years. At the same time, they were busy entertaining offers for new positions and planning extended leaves of three to six months (they’d all accumulated quite a bit of shore leave). The crew was not surprised that they were going to be broken up, as their debriefing officers and counselors had prepared them for such an eventuality. But now that it was a reality, they worked together with a heightened sense of purpose, hoping to make the most of their last six weeks together. It was a busy, bittersweet, emotionally charged time.

Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay were certain that the surviving _Equinox_ crewmembers would receive dishonorable discharges, and were working one-on-one with each of them to create a new career-and-life plan outside of Starfleet. Yet, after hearing testimony from their counselors and the Voyager crew, Starfleet Command decided to give Ransom’s former crew a second chance. All those who testified on their behalf argued that they were in a desperate situation and were obliged to follow their captain’s orders, no matter their misgivings. Furthermore, their flawless service on _Voyager_ for the last two years showed they’d made amends. Starfleet classified Ransom’s practice of trapping the nucleogenic lifeforms’ energy to power the _Equinox_ ’s warp drive, so only captains and above would be aware of the _Equinox_ crew members’ full history. They were thus protected from experiencing discrimination among their future crew members, and Starfleet saved itself from a disastrous public relations incident. Kathryn was grateful for the decision and felt it allowed her to partially atone for her dangerous single-mindedness on that mission, which had nearly cost both crews their lives.

In their free time, Kathryn and Chakotay accepted numerous invitations to visit crew members and their families. Admiral and Julia Paris hosted several get-togethers for the Voyagers, who were all besotted with Miral and jumped at every chance to see her (Tom and B’Elanna were a bonus). Naomi’s father, Greskrendtregk, was on leave from DS9 to stay with her and Sam during the debriefings, and Kathryn and Chakotay often took Naomi on outings to give her parents some much-needed alone time. Naomi was having difficulty adjusting to having a father and to being on Earth, and wasn’t sure that she wanted to live on a planet or a space station. Kathryn and Chakotay convinced her to try one or both for at least a year before insisting that her parents find assignments on another ship. To the crew’s relief and great joy, Tuvok had returned to Earth, fully cured and in the company of his wife, T’Pel. Whenever their breaks coincided, Kathryn walked with him through Boothby’s gardens at the Academy, and with his signature dry wit, Tuvok regaled her with stories of reuniting with his children and meeting his grandchildren. She was thrilled to have her dear friend back in fighting form.

As for Kathryn and Chakotay, to their great regret, their schedules left them no time to tango again, but the flirtatious tension was back in their relationship in full force. He cracked jokes non-stop to see how often he could make her laugh, and she touched him constantly – his arm, his shoulder, his chest. Chakotay felt both at ease and not at ease. He knew that their behavior, witnessed not only by the crew and debriefings officers, but quite a few admirals and even a few handfuls of San Francisco civilians, suggested that they were a romantically involved couple. No one so much as batted an eye, as if they had all expected such an outcome from the beginning. He wondered if Kathryn had noticed, and silently lamented that the image they were projecting to others did not reflect the reality he still desired with all his heart.

Kathryn, when not preoccupied with her ship and crew, was in the throes of internal torture. She fantasized about Chakotay all the time, as if she were reliving the year after New Earth all over again. Since she was still his commanding officer, she still could not ethically proposition him for a romantic or sexual relationship. She couldn’t even talk to him about it, because just mentioning it would be an implicit proposition. He would have to proposition her, but he would never do so without direct verbal confirmation from her first that it would be ok. On top of that, he was up for promotion to Captain on her recommendation, and she was up for promotion to Admiral: would they be in the same chain of command again? Should she try to get reassigned outside his chain of command? Should she really make a decision about the direction of her career based on a potential relationship they hadn’t even discussed? She knew there’d be a short window between their last day as _Voyager_ ’s command team and the beginning of their leaves; she steeled herself to wait until then to talk with him, and hoped he would still be willing to listen.

One evening at dinner in mid-March, for the very first time, no one approached them to complain about debriefing issues, request career advice, or share personal news. Chakotay wanted to enjoy their unexpected moment of privacy, but Kathryn was taciturn, pushing food around her plate, which he hadn’t seen her do since they were in the Delta Quadrant.

“Kathryn, is something wrong with your dinner?”

“What? Oh, no, I’m just not very hungry.”

“I find that hard to believe, considering that you skipped lunch.”

Kathryn looked up at Chakotay, rewarding him with a small smile for his unflagging attentiveness. “It’s nothing. I just have a lot of things on my mind. They’ve crowded out my appetite.”

“Tell you what, let’s get out of here. Come to my quarters for a nightcap.” To his surprise, she agreed.

Chakotay’s quarters had a spectacular view southeast toward downtown and the Bay. It was especially beautiful at night, and as he poured cognac into their snifters, she watched the lights of hovercars darting in and out of her line of sight behind the skyscrapers as they glided over the Bay Bridge. On the coffee table, between their glasses, Chakotay set down a plate of peanut butter and chocolate mini-tarts.

Kathryn smiled inside. He’s always taking care of me, she thought to herself; he’s calling it dessert but it’s all about making sure I get enough protein. She popped a few of them in her mouth, and decided they tasted better than usual because Chakotay had replicated them for her.

“I know what you’re going to say.”

“What am I going to say?”

“I’ve been working twelve hours a day and socializing with the crew and their families in my every free moment. I’ve fallen back into my bad habits of overworking, not eating enough, not sleeping enough, and not taking care of myself in general.”

“You’d make an excellent First Officer,” he smirked.

“Just because I engage in maladaptive behaviors, that doesn’t mean I’m not aware of it.”

“I’m listening.”

Kathryn sighed. She often resisted this part of their Captain-First Officer relationship. But it was his job to make sure she was ok, so that the crew would be ok. And he was right.

“I’m working all the time so I can avoid thinking about all the trauma I’ve just had to relive in the debriefings: the Devore, the Equinox, Admiral Janeway.”

“And is it working?”

“Not really. I just end up thinking about it when I’m too exhausted to think, and then I either don’t sleep or fall asleep and wake up from nightmares.”

“That sounds awful.”

“At least we’re not in the Delta Quadrant anymore, trying to process it all with the weight of getting home still on our shoulders.”

“True. Maybe we should talk about it.”

“I’m not sure I can do that without making things worse.”

“Let’s think about it in terms of post-traumatic growth. Surviving trauma often brings out the best in us, resilience we never knew we had. How did you grow after each of these traumatic events?”

“We’re seriously going to do this now?”

He poured them each a second helping of cognac. “You bet.”

Resigned, Kathryn sat back and dived in. “Ok. I truly feared for our lives when we were dealing with the Devore. And I knew that letting Kashyk on board as a “defector” was playing with fire. Even though there was a ninety-nine percent chance he was deceiving us, like the relentless optimist I am I held out hope for the one percent. But deep down, I knew we couldn’t trust him. I hated flirting with him. He disgusted me. After I kissed him goodbye I brushed my teeth five times.”

Chakotay looked at Kathryn, pondering a response. He’d long wondered about her attraction to Kashyk – how much of it was simulated, how much was real. Even now he wondered if she wasn’t exaggerating for his benefit, or for her own benefit in hindsight. She did seem sincerely distraught, though, so he decided to be honest with her. “You were well aware that I didn’t trust him, either. I felt conflicted: I thought that emotionally manipulating him was an excellent tactical decision on your part, but I didn’t want to tell you that because some part of me didn’t want you to think I approved. I hated that you were spending so much time with him, putting yourself at risk every minute. I knew we didn’t have any other options, but I was so angry at the situation I withdrew. I wish I could have been more supportive.”

“I appreciate you saying that to me now. I could tell my dealings with Kashyk made you uneasy. Hell, I could tell they were making Tuvok uneasy, not that he would ever admit it.” Kathryn sipped at her cognac and sighed deeply. She’d known at the time that Chakotay’s distance had to do with his feelings for her; she felt guilty all over again for yet another instance of alienating him.

He pressed forward. “How did you feel about it after it was over?”

Kathryn sat pensively for a moment, then took a deep breath. “I realized how much I was willing to put on the line for our values. It was challenging in a way destroying the Caretaker never was. I had to make the decision to save the Ocampa relatively quickly. With the Devore constantly trying to ferret out the Brenari on Voyager, I had weeks to question myself, to keep asking myself whether we were doing the right thing. And even though I was certain that helping the Brenari was ethically imperative, I knew I was breaking the Prime Directive and feared criticism from within the crew and eventually from Starfleet. And I knew I’d made it about me when I shouldn’t have – I’d dared myself to outwit the Devore because they were bullies, and I can’t resist showing up bullies. I would do it again. But I also felt strongly that I should do more to avoid situations like that.”

Chakotay smiled. “How hard was that?”

Kathryn smiled back. “It was hard, but not as hard as I thought.” Her face crumpled. “My handling of the _Equinox_ , however, was the most monumental fuck-up of my career. They put a reprimand in my file for unnecessarily putting crew members’ lives in danger. The only reprimand for seven years of going it on my own. I supposed that’s not a bad record. But I should’ve been court-martialed.”

“We were in exceptional circumstances.”

“That’s what they said.” Kathryn met Chakotay’s eyes. “I deeply regret the way I treated you through that crisis. I worried for weeks afterward that I’d destroyed our friendship, your faith and trust in me. In a way I was grateful when Seven’s cortical processor malfunctioned and we had to identify her conspiracy theories for what they were and agree to start trusting each other again.”

Chakotay felt a familiar pain in his heart at the memory of that difficult time. But he also felt like it might be healing. “Your quest to avenge Ransom scared the fuck out of me. You sometimes scare the fuck out of me, Kathryn. Sometimes you realize you’ve gone too far and pull back. Other times, I’ve learned, I have to let it play out. Or find a way to move around you somehow.” He laughed.

“What’s so funny?”

“Now that we’re back, you’ll be in the same boat.”

“How so?”

“You’re going to have to abide with Command’s decisions again, whether or not you fully agree with them.”

“I hope watching me squirm will be all the sweet revenge you need.” Kathryn laughed, then sighed. “I don’t think I can forgive myself for what I did to Noah.”

“You’re going to have to find a way to live with it.” Chakotay hesitated, then added, “You know, Noah’s been working through his own guilt. He’s felt for a long time that he had it coming. All the surviving _Equinox_ crewmembers feel that way.”

“I’m not sure whether I feel better or worse for hearing that.”

“Can you think of anything good that came out of our encounter with the _Equinox_?”

“I’d say that afterward I was both more and less afraid of my ego. I tried to hew closer to our collective values to guide to my actions.” Kathryn sat up suddenly. “That worked well until the Admiral showed up! A version of me that could flout the Temporal Prime Directive, who could dismiss twenty-six years with a wave of her hand! You know what I hated about her the most? I hated that I couldn’t read her at all. There were moments, especially toward the end, when she was warm. But she was always on guard, not wanting to pollute the timeline any more than she already had. As if she hadn’t already done untold damage!”

Chakotay laughed inwardly. He, too, had found it Admiral Janeway exceptionally guarded and difficult to read, but in other ways – her confidence, determination, single-mindedness – she was, for better or worse, exactly the same as Kathryn.

Kathryn continued, “She said she’d forgotten how loyal the crew was to me, to her. I can’t imagine thinking that. I’m appalled that a version of me existed who’d forgotten what it was like to lead this crew.”

“Do what you did for Kes. Make some holovids, or play the best parts of your logs back every several years, so you don’t forget.”

“That’s a great idea.”

Chakotay looked into his snifter for a long moment. “Admiral Janeway never once spoke to me. I tried to make eye contact and she would look away. I tried to approach her and she would walk the other way. I hate to imagine a timeline in which I alienated you so profoundly that you wouldn’t even be able to look at me.”

“I don’t think that’s it at all.”

“Then what was it?”

“I can’t say.”

“Temporal Prime Directive,” they both sighed at the same time.

“She’s not you.”

“So everyone keeps reminding me.”

“What did you learn from meeting a future self whom you hope not to resemble?”

“I’m determined not to change an entire timeline the way she did. We don’t know what the consequences of her actions are, will be, have been, whatever, for the galaxy. The hubris! I know my abilities, I know I have the power to make a positive impact when it counts. But I want to move from a place of humility. In any case, I’ll never be allowed to work on temporal anomalies again. Not that I’ll go anywhere near one if I can help it.” Kathryn put a hand on Chakotay’s knee. “You know, all my worst experiences out there were moments when I felt I couldn’t go to you, I couldn’t go to Tuvok, I couldn’t go to anyone. I know to watch out for it now: if I feel isolated, if I feel I can’t reach out to you, to the people I trust most, then something is very wrong.”

Chakotay reached over and squeezed Kathryn’s hand. “I’m so happy to hear you say that. For someone who’s traveled 70,000 light years, you’ve come a long way.”

Kathryn laughed heartily, then exhaled slowly. **“** I’m never going to pretend that bad things didn’t happen out there, and I’m a long way from being at peace with myself, but you’re right that instead of wallowing in self-flagellation I can focus on what I’ve learned to do better _.”_ Kathryn squeezed Chakotay’s hand back. “Thank you. I don’t know why I couldn’t do this with my counselor this week.”

“Sometimes we have to work things out among ourselves. Our counselors are incredible, but they weren’t out there with us.”

“True.” Kathryn sat back in her chair, staring into her cognac. “There’s another reason I’ve been keeping busy. I’m just heartbroken that the crew is going to be broken up. I’m so happy that everyone’s home and that those who have families have been reunited with them, but now the thing I wanted most for seven years is a reality, I’m devastated.”

Chakotay stared into his glass, too. “I feel the same way.”

She looked up. “You do?”

“Yes. A lot of us do.”

“How are you coping?”

“I go to the desert, observe how gracefully it’s endured the passage of time. It puts our trials in perspective.”

Kathryn’s mouth slowly turned up into a grin. “As B’Elanna would say, you’re wiser than all of us put together, old man.”

Chakotay chuckled, then looked at her softly. “Kathryn, Come to the desert with me this weekend. You need some time to yourself, and a change of perspective.”

“I’m supposed to babysit Naomi and Miral this weekend.”

“We’ve both spent plenty of time with Naomi and Miral since we’ve been back. There are lots of other crew members who could babysit them. And if none of the other 144 members of the crew are available, their parents can choose from several Starfleet-vetted babysitting services at a moment’s notice.”

“Ok, you’re right.” She smiled her sly, half-smile. “But it’s not really alone time if I’m going with you, is it?”

“I promise to leave you alone as long as you want, as long as you keep your comm on, and we can have dinner together.”

“All right. The desert it is.”


	5. The Desert

Voyager Two’s underground levels were stocked with a sizeable fleet of hovercars and shuttles. Chakotay had reserved one of the latter for the weekend and by early Saturday morning he and Kathryn were hurtling through the upper stratosphere. She learned that when Chakotay said he was going to the desert every other weekend, he wasn’t just visiting the sacred lands of his ancestors in the American Southwest. No, he was visiting all the deserts on Earth, a different one each time: the Sahara, the Gobi, the Kalahari. She smiled at that, liking that he was mysterious, that there was always more to learn about him. They were heading southeast, and she expected to remain in suspense about their destination until she could figure it out by process of elimination, but to her surprise he volunteered that they were en route to the Atacama Desert in Chile.

The oldest and driest desert on Earth, the Atacama boasted sublime vistas, magnificent salt flats, and several abandoned mining towns. Thanks to the high altitude, aridity, and lack of human encroachment for kilometers around, it was the perfect place to observe the stars and for centuries had been home to several deep space telescopes. At the Academy, Kathryn had memorized hundreds if not thousands of images captured by those telescopes, but had never visited the observatories from whence they came. Setting foot in the Atacama would be a unique kind of homecoming. And Chakotay knew it. It was his subtle, elegant way of giving her a gift she didn’t even realize she wanted. 

At four in the afternoon Atacama time, four hours ahead of San Francisco time, after flying over more salt flats than she could count, and relatively colorful patches of what Kathryn guessed were saltgrass and thyme, Chakotay lingered over a particularly barren area and set the hovercar down gently. She pitched their tents while he double-checked their hiking gear. She trusted him when he said they didn’t have to set up shields because there were no animals in the area.

They set off in a random direction, tracing a path in the red earth through breaks in the sparse, shrubby vegetation. The horizon appeared ever on the point of receding in all directions, even as the blue sky and low clouds seemed close enough to touch. They walked in utter silence and Kathryn realized that Chakotay was giving her alone time while assuring she was safe. After walking slightly uphill for some time along a sloping plateau, they finally reached its edge: the formation plunged dramatically to a gorgeous valley several kilometers below. Kathryn caught her breath and felt a surge of joy. All her happiest moments since Voyager’d been back had been when she was with Chakotay. There was no turning back from these feelings anymore, she affirmed internally.

As the sun began to set, they returned to their camp. Chakotay built a fire, then brought out from the shuttle two blankets, two telescopes, two mugs, a thermos of hot chocolate, and a tray of Chilean empanadas he’d kept toasty in a stasis unit.

Kathryn asked, “Do you always bring stargazing technology to the desert?”

“Only when I’m planning to stargaze.”

They sat for hours, tracing constellations. Occasionally they landed on a star one or both of them had visited and swapped stories. Chakotay felt that familiar sense of peace come over him. What could he do, he asked himself, to be with her always? He knew he had to let her come to him. And she had come with him to the desert. Perhaps it was another chance at a real beginning, one he shouldn’t pass up.

By midnight, the sky was crowded with brightly shining stars. Kathryn thrilled to recognize the autumn constellations she’d grown up with, now visible in the southern hemisphere’s spring: Pegasus, Andromeda, Cassiopeia, Perseus. She was moved to trace the Milky Way’s glowing arc across the sky. It was remarkable to see the stars as clearly as they could see them on a starship in space, but even better, because they were here, on their planet, gazing up at them with their naked eyes.

Chakotay rebuilt the fire, heated up a portable pot of mushroom soup, and poured it into bowls for each of them. They wolfed it down, tearing off pieces of a loaf of sourdough bread and dipping it in, and throwing back swigs of Antarian cider.

“This soup has never been more delicious.”

“There’s nothing better than cooking over a real fire.” He gazed up again. “Strange to think I’ll be out there again in a couple weeks.”

“Have you finalized your leave plans?”

“Yes, I’m going to Trebus to spend two months with Sekaya and her family.” 

“That’s wonderful. They must be thrilled. I wish they could’ve visited during the debriefings.”

“I agreed with Sekaya’s decision not to pull her kids out of school. It’ll take two weeks to get there and two weeks to get back, so I’ll be gone three months altogether. I think that’s enough time off; I’ll be stir crazy by then.”

“I feel the same way. I’m going to visit all my favorite spots on Earth, and some places I’ve never been but have always wanted to visit.”

“You deserve to be pampered all over the world, Kathryn.”

Embarrassed to feel another blushing episode coming on, even in the darkness, she quickly changed the subject. “I hear you’re being promoted to captain, and that you have your pick of ships.”

“Yes, it’s very flattering. But I’ve decided I want to teach at Academy again, for now.”

“I had a feeling you would.”

“Each semester I’ll teach Advanced Tactics and an anthropology seminar, alternately on First Contacts or Delta Quadrant systems. And I’ll have plenty of time to write several monographs on Delta Quadrant cultures.”

“I can’t think of anyone more qualified. It sounds like a beautiful life.”

“What about you? Are you going to accept the promotion to admiral?”

“Yes. I’ll be specializing in Deep Space Missions and Delta Quadrant Research and Development.”

“That sounds like a perfect fit.”

“I may lead some deep space missions eventually, especially as work on the slipstream drive progresses. But I told Command that I want to stay on Earth for the next few years and spend time with my family.”

“So we’ll both be on Earth and we won’t be in the same command structure anymore.”

“I’m hoping you’ll serve as a consultant to the DQ R&D team.”

“Oh?”

“As a consultant, you wouldn’t be in my direct chain of command.”

“I see.” Chakotay stared into the fire a long moment. “Kathryn, are you telling me what I think you’re telling me?”

“What do you think I’m telling you?”

“Ah. I have to be the one to say it first.”

She looked longingly at him.

“So... we’re finally going to talk about our feelings for each other?”

“I’m ready to talk if you are.”

Chakotay smiled an enormous smile. “I am.” He paused. “I’ve wanted to for so long. But now that we’re here, it seems so hard.”

Kathryn said slowly, “It feels dangerous.”

“Yes! Why?”

“Because I forbade it for seven years, give or take one evening on New Earth?”

“That may be part of it, but there’s more to it than that.”

Nothing like a night in the desert, Kathryn thought, to make you face your greatest fears. Her voice barely a whisper, she asked, “How are things going with Seven?

Chakotay gave her a puzzled look. “She seems to have adjusted very well to being on Earth. I know she and Icheb are enjoying their visits with her Aunt Irene in Sweden every weekend. She’s given both of them a stronger sense of what it means to be part of a family. I’m sure Seven’s pleased by all the research and consultant opportunities she’s been offered all over the quadrant. And she seems to be exploring new aspects of her. . . humanity. Did you hear that Harry and the Delaney sisters have been meeting up with her on weekends to go clubbing all over Europe? Apparently Seven’s a hit in Berlin.”

Kathryn laughed, shaking her head.

“I’m trying to understand your question, Kathryn. You’re her mentor and confidant. The two of you confer several times a day and play velocity twice a week. You would know better how she’s doing than I. What does Seven have to do with the conversation we were starting to have about us?”

Kathryn hesitated. She’d prepared herself for a different, much more difficult answer. He seemed neither to be romantically involved with Seven nor to have entertained the notion. Was she about to set something in motion that would undermine all her hopes? The timeline had been permanently altered by Admiral Janeway’s incursion, but she had to make sure. “The Admiral led me to believe that the two of you would become very close in the future.”

Chakotay sighed deeply. “I was hoping never to have to speak of this with you: Seven asked me on a few dates right before the Admiral arrived. I was flattered but never fully convinced it was what either of us wanted. To be honest, I always thought she was enamored of you. I wondered if she was trying to get to you through me, to play on your jealousy. Not intentionally, but on an instinctual level. She’s still so inexperienced as an individual.”

Such a possibility had never occurred to Kathryn, who sat in shock and said nothing.

Chakotay continued, “Just as I was going to confront Seven about my suspicions, the Admiral arrived and suddenly we were in the Alpha Quadrant. A few hours later Seven broke it off, telling me she needed to expand the parameters of her romantic and sexual explorations.” He added, almost whispering, “Not that we’d come anywhere close to having sex.”

Kathryn felt a wide range of emotions all at once: relief that what had been a marriage in another timeline was reduced to almost nothing in theirs, sympathy for Chakotay’s confusion and disappointment, and a strange sense of having been betrayed by both of them, even though she knew rationally that, as their captain, she had no jurisdiction over their hearts.

Chakotay added, “I could see how I might have taken a relationship with her more seriously in a timeline where we remained in the Delta Quadrant, where you remained... unavailable. But frankly I was relieved when she called it quits.” He looked at her, puzzled. “Did you really think we were seeing each other?”

“I didn’t think so, but I needed to be sure. I’d say that I’m sorry it didn’t work out, but it sounds like you didn’t want it to.”

“No. At first I thought it might be a way for me to move on from you, but I quickly realized that wasn’t what I wanted. To move on from you, I mean.”

Kathryn reflected for a moment. Chakotay was usually open and honest with her: he’d taught her how to contact her spirit guide within weeks of meeting her, he never held back if he disagreed with her, and he was being honest about his feelings about her right this very minute. But once in a while, maybe more and more lately, he chose to hold his cards close to his chest: his tango expertise, his tour of Earth’s deserts, his almost-relationship with Seven. A tactician’s habits die hard, she thought. In the future, she might have to devise some unexpected tactics to draw him out.

They stared into the fire for a long moment.

“I finally met with Mark last weekend.”

Chakotay felt his stomach twist and said nothing for a long time. Then he felt he had to face the music. “How did that go?

“It was awkward at first. He was so apologetic about having believed I was dead, and repeatedly asked for my forgiveness. I told him there was nothing to forgive. I’d expected him to be much more distant. I couldn’t tell if he’d been feeling repentant since he learned of our survival, or if he only felt that way because he was in my presence. Not that it matters. But it hadn’t occurred to me that he might still have some feelings for me, if only regret and some misplaced sense of guilt.” 

“Do you still feel like you’re grieving your relationship with Mark?”

“No, I grieved it long ago. I did have to forgive him for not waiting for me, but that was my problem, not his. At one point along the way, I realized that I missed the idea of him more than I actually missed him anymore. He would have been the perfect Starfleet spouse, just like my mother: completely understanding of my devotion to duty, and unusually tolerant of long separations. I never worried about his safety. And I certainly never worried about having to send him on a one-way mission.”

On New Earth, on the day before they beamed back to _Voyager_ , Kathryn had told Chakotay about the deaths of her first fiancé Justin and her father, and how, in the seconds before their crashed shuttle sank and they drowned their icy deaths, Kathryn tried to save them both instead of choosing one or the other, and ended up losing them both. It was her way of telling Chakotay that, although the feelings between them would have evolved into a relationship if they’d stayed on the planet, they wouldn’t be able to explore them once they returned to _Voyager_ ’s command structure. She didn’t want to put herself in the position of having to choose between him and the ship.

She was still talking about Mark. “I’m a different person now. I don’t think our relationship would’ve survived how I’ve changed, but I’m sure our friendship can. We’ve been friends since childhood. I don’t want to lose that, too.” She looked at Chakotay sheepishly. “He wants me to meet his wife and kids soon. Maybe you could come with me?”

“I’d be happy to.” Chakotay looked into the fire again. “What about Jaffen?”

“Chakotay, I only knew him for three weeks while under invasive mind control! When my memories came back I realized that I’d been attracted to him because he reminded me of you. And being with him just made me want to be with you more.”

Chakotay suddenly understood the distance that had been between them after Quarra: she wasn’t mourning Jaffen, she was trying not to encourage her own feelings for Chakotay. And now she was admitting to being attracted to him! To wanting to be with him!

“So, if we both still have feelings for each other, and neither of us is harboring feelings for anyone else, what’s holding us back, besides the fact that you’re still my commanding officer for the next two weeks? That, by the way, is a non-issue in my view, since the likelihood that you’re going to have to send me into a dangerous situation is close to zero.”

“I may have to replicate a meal or two for you in the next couple days.”

He grinned.

Kathryn drew her knees up to her chest, readjusted her blanket, and stared into the fire. “Chakotay, there are many parts of our command relationship and our friendship that are wonderful and that I want to nurture always. I love that we are always honest with each other, that time flies when we’re together, and that we give each other space when we need it. But I don’t like that I’ve relied on you to look out for me, that I allowed my own self-care to dwindle while looking after the ship and the crew. I’ve been talking with my counselor about taking responsibility for taking care of myself. I’m going to continue going to therapy, I’m trying a new medication for my depression, and I need to put myself first before I can be ready to give to others, to give to you.”

Chakotay wasn’t expecting her to have come so far, so fast. And he’d never expected to be so happy to be back in the Alpha Quadrant.

She met his gaze. “I also have to work against a lot of fear. I’ve pushed you away so much I’m afraid I’ll do it again out of habit, or that one day I’ll push you so far away you won’t come back. I’m also afraid to let you in, I’m afraid of feeling vulnerable, and of making disastrous mistakes. I can’t overcome these fears with reason alone, it’s going to take time and new experiences. But I want this so much. I’ve wanted to be with you since New Earth.”

“You have?”

“I have. I thought you knew.”

“I hoped.” He held her gaze. “Kathryn, it means a lot to me that you’re willing to share your fears with me. I want to always be open and honest with you, too. So I have to tell you that the distance between us has been hard for me. I was never upset by it, I understood why we had to have the relationship we had, and I’d even accepted that it might go on that way for years. If we’re going to try to be together now, though, we’re going to have to get used to letting each other in. If you try pushing me away, I’m going to have to come after you instead of withdrawing. On the other hand, I also need to extricate my sense of well-being from yours. I sunk my identity into being your First Officer, and walking all the fine lines that entailed. It felt like a necessity at the time, probably the way your decisions felt like a necessity, too. But now I’m also going to need time to rediscover who I am without a decades-long journey before us.” He smiled a bit sheepishly, “And even though I’m sure you’re going to be amazing at taking care of yourself, I hope you’ll still let me do things for you, give you things.”

Kathryn smiled beautifully. “I would like nothing more.” She looked contrite. “I’m embarrassed that we developed a bit of a codependent relationship.”

“Don’t. We did the best we could out there. It could’ve been so much worse.” Chakotay gave her a suddenly concerned look. “Kathryn, not to fall back into old habits even as I swear them off, but I can see that you’re shivering under that blanket.”

She laughed. “It’s true. I don’t understand why, it’s not that cold.”

“It’s the extreme aridity. Your body’s not used to it. Plus, I’m sorry to remind you, you’re dreadfully underslept. Do you feel tired?”

“Exhausted. But in a good way. What time is it?”

Chakotay looked up at the stars. “Probably around 0300.”

Kathryn followed his gaze. “Already?”

He checked his tricorder. “Yep. 0315 Atacama time. It’s 2315 in San Francisco.”

She shivered again.

“Stay in my tent tonight. I have a humidifier and a space heater.”

Her face broke into a wide grin, chattering teeth notwithstanding. “And here I thought you were roughing it every other weekend.”

Chakotay chuckled. “There are times when roughing it is called for. Returning from seven years in the Delta Quadrant is not one of them.”

He darted into her tent to get her sleeping blanket, then entered his. He opened his sleeping blanket and arranged it on the floor like a mattress, then laid hers on top like a cover. When she came in, he inserted her, still wrapped in the blanket from the shuttle, between them on her side, then lay down on his side behind her, rubbing his top arm and leg along her body to warm her up.

At first Kathryn’s shivering seemed to get worse, but eventually it subsided. She recollected that the last time he’d held her like this was when they were sheltering from the plasma storm under a table in their cabin on New Earth. Even in that moment, when she’d feared, rightly, for the end of her virus antidote research, she’d felt comfort in his arms. Back in the present, Kathryn noticed the dimly lit lamps in the tent, small orbs whose glow gave off a candlelight effect. She guessed that he might have intended for them to spend a romantic evening together, or at least had hoped for it, then chided herself for ruining it by being sleep-deprived and talking to him about ex-lovers and all her fears! As waves of sleep overtook her, she resolved to do better by him in the future.

Chakotay felt Kathryn’s shivers dissipate and her body relax into sleep. Holding her, inhaling the sweet scent of her hair, feeling her blanket-wrapped body calming and warming under his, he was in seventh heaven. They’d taken the first steps – admitting they wanted a relationship, and recognizing the obstacles they’d need to overcome to make it work – toward the love he’d dreamed of for so long. And here was Kathryn, in his arms, undeniably content. He reached around for the remote control, turned off the lamps, and succumbed to his own exhaustion.

*

Kathryn woke gradually. Even though she still felt a bit sleep-deprived, without opening her eyes she could tell that the sun was much higher in the sky than it usually was when she woke. She felt warm all over, toasty even, and realized she was still in her hiking clothes and wrapped in the shuttle blanket, though somehow she’d managed to shed her boots before getting in between the sleeping bags. With a thrill of pleasure, she registered that the padded material under her face smelled like Chakotay – something like the forest after rainfall – and somehow, so did the whole tent. All of a sudden she realized that he had one arm wrapped tightly around her waist, and had most likely held her all night. Kathryn inhaled deeply, as if trying to memorize the scent of him so close and the feeling of his embrace. She exhaled, opened her eyes, and tried to forgive herself for ruining what was probably supposed to have been their first romantic evening.

Chakotay felt her stirring and sat up behind her. “Good morning.”

“Good morning.”

“How did you sleep?”

“Like a log. Thank you for warming me up.” Kathryn hoped she’d kept her tone even, as if she and Chakotay spooned all the time. No big deal at all. “How about you?”

“Never better.” She could hear the smile in his voice. “How about some breakfast?”

“That sounds lovely.”

“Great!”

He kissed her on the cheek, sprang out of bed, and exited the tent, presumably to rekindle the fire. Kathryn thought that if she weren’t already lying on the ground she would swoon.

After breakfast, they took a brief flight northward and then hiked a short way toward ALMA, the Atacama Large Millimeter/submillimeter Array. Kathryn wondered about their morning silence – was Chakotay giving her alone time again, or were they both feeling shy after all the revelations of the previous evening and their night-long embrace?

ALMA’s first, enormous radio telescopes were built in the early twenty-first century, and even then it was an impressive sight to behold. Over time it had grown into a monolithic institution, outfitted with the most advanced Federation technologies. Just as the day before they had contemplated the ephemerality of human life in the vastness of the desert, this morning they stared down the tininess of their two human lives in comparison to centuries of space exploration.

They noticed other hikers in the distance, and for the first time since their arrival, they were not the only inhabitants of the desert anymore. It was a comforting, not unwelcome realization, but it also broke the spell of their weekend in isolation together. For Kathryn, it had felt like their last weeks on New Earth, after the hope of completing her research had been dashed and she was beginning to relax and enjoy Chakotay’s company. She had wanted for so long for that feeling to come back, and almost wanted to kick herself for not recognizing right away that it had returned.

Their return to San Francisco was equally quiet and contemplative, and after their late night in the desert, they headed straight to their respective quarters for a long afternoon nap.

*

Waking refreshed as the sun was setting, Chakotay made himself a light dinner and enjoyed the feeling of peace he’d brought back with him from the weekend with Kathryn. He was restless but too tired for a serious workout. Eventually, he decided to head up to Voyager Two’s rooftop pool.

Enclosed in glass and featuring a retractable roof, the pool deck offered an astounding 360 degree view of the city: the Pacific to the west, the Presidio and the Golden Gate Bridge to the north, the Bay to the east, and Golden Gate Park and the city to the south. The deck was lit by a few unprepossessing lanterns, and the pool walls gave off a soft blue glow, all the better to let the magnificent city lights shine through. There was a lone swimmer in the pool, clad in a red one-piece with matching cap and goggles. Chakotay would recognize Kathryn anywhere. He admired her long arms and legs and the perfect torque of her slender torso as she stroked her way through the water. He felt immediately desirous of her and dove into the water before embarrassing himself.

At the deep end, Kathryn flipped and realized there was another swimmer on the roof, disrobing and putting on his goggles. She swam to one side of the pool to make room for him and by the time she arrived at the shallow end of the pool she recognized Chakotay... in a very tiny swimsuit.... that left almost nothing about his natural endowments to the imagination.

Before she could say hello he dived in and began swimming back and forth along the other half of the pool. She waited for him to return to the shallow end and began racing him. Despite his height and greater muscle power, she was warmed up and stayed ahead of him for several laps, but finally he caught up with her and just as he was about to overtake her, she stopped to catch her breath, so he did, too.

“Good evening,” he called out gallantly.

“Good evening.”

“Do you come here often?”

“A few times a week, actually. It’s very relaxing. There’s never anyone here this late. I’m surprised that more of the crew don’t take advantage of it.”

“There’s often a small crowd before breakfast and before dinner.”

“Yes, but who can resist the allure of the nighttime swim?”

Chakotay thought to himself that the crew was wise not to jump into the pool after a few rounds of drinks. He, on the other hand, was having a hard time resisting the allure of a certain captain. He began swimming toward her, but she had a head start and swam to the corner of the pool and flew up the ladder before he could reach her.

She pulled off her goggles and her cap, and her long hair tumbled out against her pale skin. “Enjoy your swim, Chakotay!” she called as she pulled on her robe and made her way out.

 _So she’s still making me wait. All right, Kathryn, take your time. I’ll be ready for you._ Not for the first time, Chakotay sublimated his desire into a strenuous workout.


	6. Completion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, dear readers, for your kudos, kind feedback, and patience. In this chapter our OTP finally arrives at the moment they - and we - have been waiting for!

The following week, Kathryn and Chakotay were tasked with writing their final evaluations of each and every one of the _Voyager_ crew, adding commendations to their records, and recommending officers for promotion. It was a bittersweet task, one that reinforced the command team’s relief at their homecoming and pride in all their crewmates’ accomplishments, even as it deepened their sorrow for the soon-to-arrive moment their adopted family would spread out in all directions across the galaxy.

They could have worked on _Voyager_ in her Ready Room, or in an office at Headquarters, but to minimize interruptions, they decided to work at the dining room table in Kathryn’s quarters in Voyager Two. Unspoken between them was the understanding that they were both dying for an evening alone. But it was not to be for a while: Monday night she was obliged to dine with several admirals, Tuesday night he had his last informal grief support group meeting at the bar, and Wednesday and Thursday nights they were scheduled to give interviews to several major news organizations. Chakotay thought he could read nervous anticipation in Kathryn’s eyes, and wondered if she saw the same in his.

Their last set of reports were due Friday morning, and by late Thursday afternoon, they’d taken care of everything but the senior staff commendations. Looking over the list of their names, Kathryn thrilled to imagine them all at their next postings, and realized that wherever they went, in one way or another they’d all continue to carry out _Voyager_ ’s legacy.

Sam and Naomi Wildman were going to live on Ktaris with Greskrendtregk. He and Sam had accepted assignments at the main Starfleet office there, and were looking forward to immersing Naomi in her Ktarian heritage.

Icheb would of course matriculate at Starfleet Academy in the fall semester.

Harry was finally about to be promoted to Lieutenant and would be serving as Assistant Chief Engineer on the _Millennium_. 

Tom & B’Elanna were both to be promoted to Lieutenant Commander and were assigned positions in starship design at Utopia Planetia. Kathryn had also secured their participation on the Delta Quadrant R&D team, and their first project would involve slipstream drive and ship design integration.

The Doctor had accepted a post at Starfleet Medical, and was also scheduled to appear as a guest artist in La Scala’s upcoming season.

Seven had finally settled on a position as Senior Cybernetics Consultant at the Daystrom Institute.

Tuvok had decided to take yet another open-ended leave of absence, and to resume his teaching post at the Vulcan Science Academy. Kathryn commented with some amusement, “At the rate he’s going, with all his extended leaves from Starfleet, he might make captain when he’s 120 years old. If he wants it.”

Chakotay assumed his most serious demeanor. “After our time away, it’s only logical that he should situate himself in close proximity to his children and grandchildren.” Kathryn laughed.

When Chakotay pressed his thumbprint to the last PADD, she felt ten kilos lighter.

“Chakotay, we have just completed our final tasks as Captain and First Officer of _Voyager_. The occasion calls for a celebration.”

“Don’t we have that interview with the Federation News Service this evening?”

“Not anymore. I commed the Public Relations Office this morning and told them to reschedule all our media events for next week. We need a break. ”

Realization dawned on him. “Kathryn. Thank you.”

She went to the kitchen and retrieved a bottle of luminous blue liquid from the statis unit and two tumblers. Her hands were trembling at what she hoped they were about to do, but she willed them still. She returned and sat on the sofa, a bit closer to him than usual, and Chakotay’s jaw dropped open.

“What... Where... How did you get a hold of a bottle of Romulan ale?”

Kathryn made a face like the cat who’d gotten into the cream. “It’s good to be back among my Alpha Quadrant connections again.”

She managed to keep her hands steady as she poured their glasses and toasted to the success of their command partnership. Her expansive windows framed a dazzling sunset over the Pacific that played on her hair and brought out a dancing quality in her eyes. Even as he sat with her, feigning composure, Chakotay wondered if Kathryn could tell he was burning with desire.

Seemingly oblivious, she stared into her drink. “I was thinking...”

“Yes?”

She looked him in the eye and spoke in the lowest possible tone. “When we return from leave, we could try to get to know each other the way we talked about last weekend.”

Chakotay felt joy surging up from his innermost depths, like a smile spreading over his whole body. He replied slowly. “Kathryn, I’m so happy you feel that way. I would like nothing more.” He paused. “I wonder, though...”

“Yes?”

“Do we need to wait until we return from leave?”

She put their drinks down on the coffee table, leaned into him, and pressed her lips against his.

It began as the softest, sweetest, most tentative kiss but soon took on the force of all the passion they’d restrained for years. He pulled back to look at her lovingly. Kathryn felt as if she’d been kissed for the first time. 

And suddenly he was kissing her again, sucking on her lower lip, exploring her mouth with his tongue, awakening every part of her body to him. He put one hand on her waist, ran the other through her hair, and pulled her closer. She laced one hand around the back of his neck, placed the other on his chest, and felt his heartbeat quicken, the heat coming off his body, and the damp pool already gathering between her legs.

He pulled back and placed light kisses along her cheek, jawbone, and down her neck. She could tell from the feel of his hands on her that he wanted more but was holding back, waiting for her to give him the signal to continue. She pulled away ever so slightly, took his hand, brought them both to stand, and led him to the master bedroom.

The sun hovered on the horizon and bathed the room in a crimson glow. They undressed each other neither slowly nor frantically, his tongue tracing the veins along her neck and her fingertips grazing his chest and shoulders as their jackets, shirts, and undershirts dropped to the floor. Kathryn could feel her rock-hard nipples straining against her black lace bra, and a sense of excitement at finally baring herself to him tingled through her body.

They stepped out of their boots and pants. He pulled the pins out of her hair and as it fell down in thick waves about her shoulders, she ran her hand delicately down his abs and along the rigid erection tenting his briefs. Chakotay sighed softly, a sound she’d never heard him make before, and they climbed into the bed, the flush of their bodies amplified by the blaze of the setting sun.

Kathryn lay on top of him, and as their lips and tongues found each other once again she explored every centimeter of his bronze chest, just as she’d longed to do for years, taking in the glory of his arousal pressing against her lower belly as he caressed her back and hair.

Chakotay flipped them over so she was lying on her back. He kissed her shoulders and collarbone while unclasping and pulling off her bra. He gazed at the fullness of her breasts with a mixture of delight and desire, as if receiving a long-sought reward, and Kathryn felt another liquid surge in her center.

He lowered his mouth to one breast while his hand cupped the other, and she pulled his head down to her to indicate that he shouldn’t hold back. As he licked one nipple while gently running his left thumb over the other, his right hand ventured down her belly, delighting in the texture of the auburn curls near her precious entrance. He inhaled sharply upon discovering her gushing wetness, then returned ever more intently to licking and sucking her breast while his thumb caressed her clit and his second and third fingers stroked inside her. She closed her eyes, tried to steady her breath, willing herself to stay in control, but it was too late, she was so ready and he was so attentive she came hard, moaning his name.

He brought her down gently and she ran her fingers through his hair. “Oh, Chakotay,” she sighed.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said, as if he had never seen anything beautiful before and the sight of her made him realize what the word really meant.

His kissed his way down her belly, circling her navel a few times with his tongue, which she felt all the way down to her pulsing nub. As he tugged off her black lace panties she realized he’d brought her to orgasm with her underwear still on.

She propped herself up on her elbows to watch him. For seven years she’d fantasized about Chakotay’s divine face between her legs, and now it was real and one of the most intoxicating sights she’d ever seen. As they gazed into each other’s eyes, there was no way to know which one was more desirous of the other. He placed light kisses up and down her folds, then put his tongue on her clit, ever so gently at first, then more forcefully, dipping down into her opening from time to time. With her mouth open and her breasts slightly heaving with each breath, her sighs turned to moans. The sight and sound of her turned him on even more and he had to will himself not to rub himself to orgasm against the sheets. Instead, he put two, then three fingers inside her, pumping slowly at first then faster and faster. She threw her head back as his tongue and fingers moved with ever more intensity until she came again, her cries of pleasure reverberating off the walls.

As she spun down, he placed soft kisses on her inner thighs. “Oh, sweet Spirits,” she exhaled. He grinned, mouth and chin wet with her essence.

He leaned back, and stripped off his minimal black briefs. He was gorgeous all over, his erection lightly bouncing against his neat triangle of black curls and eight-pack. He lay on top of her and she took him into her hand, stroking the full length of him, caressing his chest and his arms with her other hand. He sighed softly again, arousing Kathryn once more.

The moment they had both anticipated for so long had finally arrived. Her body opened to him like a lotus flower to the sun. Gazing into her eyes, he entered her in slowly and steadily, savoring all the sensations, until he reached the hilt. They both stilled for a moment to take in what they had done. He started moving inside her, and she moaned with every movement, reveling in the fullness of him inside her and the crush of his chest against her breasts. He leaned down to kiss her deeply and she wailed as she tasted herself on his lips and tongue. Then she slid her hands slowly down his back and took hold of his ass, feeling his muscles working as he pushed in and out, over and over.

Again she could tell he was holding back, trying to savor the moment, but they’d waited so long, they wouldn’t last. She couldn’t believe she was about to come for the third time in less than an hour. Inside her he hardened even more. She watched his mouth shape into a perfect O, his eyes growing darker and each thrust more vehement. Her inner walls clenched around him and as she went over the edge she felt him stiffen and release into her as he called her name again and again.

He lay down on top of her, still inside her, and their breathing slowed. He whispered in her ear, “Kathryn, tell me this is really happening.”

She brought her arms and legs around him in a tight embrace. “It’s really happening, Chakotay. It’s real.”

The sky had given way to the hushed blue of twilight, and they settled back into the bed, exchanging soft caresses, sealing their intimacy in the winnowing light. Enlaced in each other’s arms, they wept tears of joy that they’d finally allowed themselves to give each other what they’d held back for so long.

*

Chakotay opened his eyes to the evening darkness, uncertain how long he – and she – had dozed off. Kathryn’s skin was warm and silken against his own. After a moment, she stirred, turned on the lamp on the side table, and looked at him curiously. “Are you hungry?”

“For food?” She nodded shyly and they both laughed. “Yes, actually. But do you really want to go downstairs?”

“We don’t have to.”

She commed the building’s main kitchen. “Good evening, Eugene. I’d like to place an order for delivery to my quarters. Two plates of vegan sashimi, two seaweed salads, and two green tea ice creams.” Chakotay nodded his approval as the chef confirmed the order. “Yes. Thank you.” She disengaged the comm.

“Voyager Two has room service?”

“They’ve brought me meals a couple times, on Friday evenings before I headed home and wanted something quick while packing. I don’t know if they’ve done it for anyone else, but I don’t see why they wouldn’t.”

Fifteen minutes later, the doorbell rang. Kathryn threw on her terrycloth robe and opened the door to an elegant rolling tray heaped with covered platters. Kathryn uncovered them, laid out the chopsticks, and brought their glasses of Romulan ale to the table. Following her instructions, Chakotay found another robe in her closet and joined her in the main living area.

They sat at the table, eating quietly, as if a newfound shyness had overtaken them both.

Chakotay was reeling from what had certainly been the most amazing sex of his life. An energy unlike anything he’d experienced was coursing through his body. Even the most commonplace sensations felt new and exciting: the glittering effect of the city skyline, the faint whoosh of hovercars and the ocean waves in the distance, Kathryn’s hand brushing against his as she served him. The texture of the sashimi seemed unbearably erotic now that he’d had his mouth on her. He could already feel his cock twitching again.

As Kathryn uncovered the green tea ice cream (which, Chakotay found, went surprisingly well with Romulan ale), she finally spoke. “I always knew it would be like this.”

Chakotay nodded in agreement.

“I was afraid that if we were together I wouldn’t be able to run the ship, I wouldn’t be able to concentrate. But now, I can’t imagine how I managed not to be with you this way.”

“It does seem unthinkable now,” he replied wistfully.

“What were we doing?”

“The best we could, the way we knew how?”

“We could’ve been out there for decades.”

“Kathryn, let’s not second-guess ourselves. We’re here now, together now. Maybe we needed to go through all that to arrive where we are.”

“I’m sure you’re right as usual, my peaceful warrior.” She pouted. “You have no idea how much your hotness has tormented me over the years.”

He laughed. “No more than yours has tormented me, my brave and beautiful woman warrior.”

Their allusions to that unforgettable night on their faraway planet had Kathryn tearing up again, and she reached for his hand seeking comfort. But when she touched him, she felt an unexpected jolt of the energy they’d just shared in the bedroom. And when she looked into his eyes and saw his naked desire she felt her whole body turn on again.

She licked the last of her ice cream off her spoon slowly, her tongue lingering much longer than necessary. Chakotay’s mouth dropped open and his eyes went wide. She put the spoon down, moved to his side of the table, and swiveled his chair to face her. Pulling at the belt of his robe, she discovered he was fully hard again. She bit her lower lip, blushing from her chest upward. Pulling her own robe off, she knelt before him, tracing her tongue up his inner thighs. He thought he might faint.

She began in earnest by circling his balls with her tongue, gently flicking them from time to time. He moaned softly in response. She ran her tongue up the length of his shaft, then swirled around the head, sucking in the drop of pre-cum foaming at the tip.

“Oh, Kathryn.”

He felt her move away, then suddenly she was taking him into the hot wetness of her mouth. The softness of her lips, combined with the steady suction of her tongue and inner cheeks, was sure to drive him mad. He ran his hands through her hair and cradled her head as she accelerated ever so steadily, surprising him with her tongue swirling around his shaft and tip.

He knew he must still smell and taste of their first time, but she didn’t seem to mind. In fact, she was moaning as much as he was. She was getting off on it, too, he realized, and filed that information away for later reference. He’d always known her to be sensual, but now felt almost overwhelmed by the reality of her openly sharing her carnal edge with him. He wondered what it must have taken her to keep it at bay for all those years.

One hand cupped his balls with a featherlight touch, while the other gripped his thigh, her mouth moving steadily, relentlessly on him. It was bliss, but at this rate he knew he couldn’t last long. With great difficulty he pulled her head away. At the sight her mouth wet and raw from sucking him, he almost faltered, but managed to say, “I want to be inside you again.”

She smiled and he pulled her up by her shoulders, her body skimming his, to straddle him. He found her entrance slick with anticipation, and thrust into her without preamble. They groaned in unison. He’d made space for himself before so she was even readier this time.

Looping her arms around his shoulders and neck, she found his mouth with her own. He could feel her walls pulsing against his cock and the peaks of her nipples brushing against his chest each time he pushed into her.

He reached one hand up to cup a breast and flicked the nipple with his thumb, while the other reached between them to circle her clit. Moaning in pleasure and digging her nails into his upper back, she took one hand to her other breast, pinching the nipple. She flushed deeply but didn’t stop and didn’t break eye contact with him. The sight of her touching herself while he was inside her was almost too much, but she was already coming around him, her head thrown back, her hair flying, and he felt his orgasm jettison inside her.

They recovered slowly, and finally Kathryn readjusted herself so she was sitting sideways in his lap, facing the dining table. As she divided the remnants of the Romulan ale evenly between their two glasses, she turned to him and asked, with a vulnerability that tore at his soul, “Will you stay tonight?”

His eyes twinkled. “Tonight and always.”


	7. Dinner

Kathryn woke up the next morning nestled between Chakotay’s arms, his warm chest against her back, their legs tangled. _I could wake up this way every day,_ she mused.

She felt him stirring, turned to face him, and watched his eyes flutter open. “Good morning,” she whispered.

He smiled. “It’s an amazing morning.”

She laughed and kissed him playfully.

He reached up to caress her hair, her cheek, her shoulder. “I want to take you to dinner tonight.”

“I’d like that.”

They went down to breakfast as usual, and if the any of the crew noticed anything different about their command duo they didn’t mention it.

Kathryn spent the day at Starfleet Headquarters interviewing candidates for the Delta Quadrant R&D team. Chakotay transported to _Voyager_ to check the ship’s status, review maintenance logs, and respond to a backlog of subspace messages.

At the end of the day, they met with a committee of admirals at HQ to review their final reports and recommendations. Seated next to each other in the conference room, Kathryn wanted to reach under the table to touch Chakotay’s fingers and squeeze his inner thigh, while he wanted to put his arm around her waist and run his tongue up her neck. Instead, faces neutral and attentive, they sat perfectly still, paragons of professionalism. _The more things change, the more they stay the same_ , Chakotay thought, half-ruefully, half-playfully.

The admirals overseeing their transition had gotten to know _Voyager_ and her crew rather well over the last three months, so they had relatively few questions or suggestions. The meeting ended quickly and before she knew it Kathryn was freshly showered, sitting in her bathrobe at the computer terminal in her living quarters, and flipping through replicator files to find something to wear, unexpectedly anxious that she and Chakotay were about to go on their first real date.

 _We’ve known each other for seven years. What can I say that will be new and interesting to him?_ She’d never been nervous about talking to him. Except, she reminded herself, when trying to get past feeling attracted to him. So she’d actually been nervous around him a lot. _How did I handle it before? I’d talk about the ship, the crew, anything but us, of course. But now we need to talk about “us_.” _Now there is an “us,”_ she realized with a thrill, but wasn’t sure she was ready to put all her hopes and desires into words.

She also wondered whether it was even a good idea for them to go out in public together so soon.

She’d barely been able to concentrate during the interviews. Her potential staff members must have wondered how she’d managed to survive for so long in the Delta Quadrant. And in their very final debriefing session with the admirals, all she could think about was ripping Chakotay’s clothes off. _Surely he must feel the same way_. She knew it would take every ounce of self-control to behave herself.

As she fended off this episode of nervous arousal, Kathryn managed to replicate and try on a form-fitting navy blue dress that gave off subtle sparkles when she moved. It hit at her mid-thigh and was held up by the thinnest of straps; she hoped Chakotay would appreciate her foregoing a bra. She threw on a replicated pair of navy heels and a small sapphire pendant, ran a brush through her hair, and reacquainted herself with her lip gloss.

He was just pulling the hovercar in front of the building when she walked out the lobby doors. He parked, came around to her side of the car, and chivalrously opened her door.

“Kathryn, you’re so beautiful,” he said, with the same intensity of the night before. She thought she might melt right there.

“You clean up pretty well yourself.” He wore a light grey suit that reminded her of their brief foray into 1996 Earth. This version was more sleek and modern, with a shirt slightly open to his chest.

She could barely peel her eyes away from the patch of skin he’d exposed, and when she finally did she noticed his cheeks had reddened.

In short order they arrived at a small Italian restaurant on an outcropping outside Monterey. As they walked from the parking lot to the entrance, he took hold of her hand, and it felt at once like their greatest transgression and the most natural, most comforting gesture in the world.

The restaurant was situated in a converted house whose white stucco walls and terracotta roof tiles reflected the owner’s Sicilian heritage. A discreet plaque near the front door read _A Casa di Leonardo_. The host ushered them out to a large terrace that opened to the mountains and the ocean, and seated them in a corner that gave them both privacy and a superior view. They’d arrived in time to watch the sunset over the water, where several sailboats were slowly making their way back to harbor for the evening.

Kathryn couldn’t get over how perfectly Chakotay seemed to orchestrate their romantic encounters. She wanted to pinch herself to make sure it was still real. They were finally together, back on Earth, in one of the most beautiful places on the planet. “This place is breathtaking,” she finally managed to say. “How did you find it?”

“Leo’s an old Academy buddy of mine. He’d been dreaming about opening this place for years, and when he retired from Starfleet a few years ago he finally did.”

As if on cue, a tall Italian in chef’s garb strode out of the kitchen, his imposing military bearing softened by his relaxed demeanor. Leo gave Chakotay a bear hug and planted a noble kiss on the back of Kathryn’s hand. He complimented her many times over on her beauty and courage, lightly punched Chakotay on the shoulder for good measure, and before returning to his work, made them promise to go sailing with him by summer’s end.

A server promptly appeared. It was an unseasonably warm, humid evening, so Kathryn couldn’t resist ordering – in Italian – _una bottiglia di Planeta Cometa_ (an excellent white Sicilian wine, the server assured Chakotay) _e_ _due insalate di primavera_.

Chakotay grinned from ear to ear. “I didn’t know you speak Italian.”

“I started practicing with the Maestro a few years back.” She pouted a bit. “In the beginning I had to reprogram him to be patient with my errors.”

Even though she’d already read his ship’s status report, Kathryn asked Chakotay about his day on _Voyager_ , which led to a lengthy discussion about the protocols they should recommend for the ship’s transfer to Utopia Planetia. She felt a bit ridiculous talking shop in their idyllic surroundings, but then he asked her about the candidates she’d interviewed, and she realized they were both feeling newly shy and hewing to comfortable topics. _We don’t have to rush_ , she told herself. _We have time now_.

Once their server had cleared away the gelato and served them two short glasses of limoncello, Chakotay took her hand in both of his. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you today.”

His touch surged heat through her body and gave her courage. “I’ve been thinking about you all day, too. About us last night. And all the other nights I wanted you.”

He seemed surprised and turned on by her revelation of previous desires. “Tell me about them,” he commanded gently.

She spoke in a low whisper. “On New Earth, every time I got in the bathtub, part of me hoped you’d get in with me, too.”

“I was hoping you’d invite me,” he sighed.

“I would have, eventually.” He exhaled slowly at her admission. She pressed on. “What about you?”

Ever so slowly, Chakotay traced his fingers along her inner wrist and up the inside of her arm. She suppressed a shiver at his subtle foreplay. “I wanted you everywhere. In the grass, in the river, against the trees. So many trees.”

She laughed softly, and teased, “What about in the cabin?”

His eyes danced with hers. “Yes, always in the cabin.” Then he became serious. “After you almost died on that godforsaken planet, and we went sailing, I wanted to kiss you so badly in the boat.”

“I wanted you to, too. But I was terrified that I’d have to tell you the next day that we could never do it again, and that it would ruin our command relationship and our friendship.” He nodded in understanding as her face brightened with a new idea. “I’ll take you to the real Lake George this summer, after you get back from Trebus. You’ll have to put up with my family, again, though.”

He smiled. “I adore your family.”

She smiled back. “Good, because they adore you, too.” After a moment, she added quietly, “Tell me another.”

“I have a better idea: why don’t I show you?”

They left the restaurant quickly and sped back to Voyager Two. The second the door to his quarters closed behind them, he backed her against the wall with a searing kiss that she returned in full force.

The weather had turned cloying, but even in his cool, climate-controlled Starfleet quarters she felt the heat between them consuming her. It had been building for years, and what they’d finally shared the night before had set them aflame. Had she ever in her life known such heady sensations? Her breath seemed to catch at every touch and taste of him.

He rubbed his thumbs against her nipples through the fabric of her dress, his obsidian eyes boring into her, his throbbing hardness pressing against her belly. “You meant to taunt me all through dinner, didn’t you?”

“I meant to please you,” she offered in low tones.

“You did both.” He pushed the straps of her dress off her shoulders, taking one breast into his mouth and then the other, while freeing himself of his jacket and shirt. She held his head to her with one hand while the other caressed the muscles down his back. He found the hidden zipper at the side of her dress, tore it open, and licked up the sliver of skin he’d just exposed, from her waist to her upper ribs. She sighed in a mixture of surprise, bliss, and agony.

Their movements possessed none of the careful deliberation of the previous evening, which they’d treated as what it was, the entry into a sacred bond. No, now that they’d had a taste of each other, and their anticipation had been building all day, they were in a rush to put out the fire, if only to see how soon it might blaze again.

They kicked off their shoes, he pulled her dress over her head, and she wrenched his pants off. They quickly found their way out of their undergarments and he lifted her against the wall with one arm around her waist, her hips flush with his.

She clasped her legs around his waist for leverage and he, sensing her wetness against his cock, swiftly pushed into her until the fullness of him was almost too much to bear. She let out a low groan and he began pounding into her, his free hand guiding her hips back and forth against his, their skin slick from the heat. His mouth found its way to her neck while she wrapped her arms around him, moaning into his ear. Her climax surprised them both, and as her walls convulsed around him he let go with a fierce roar, holding her tighter so she wouldn’t fall.

When he finally softened, she peeled her legs off him and they sank to the floor. He stroked her cheekbone with the backs of his fingers and kissed her sweetly on the lips. They hadn’t bothered to turn on the lights when they came in, but in the faint light from the city below and the hovercars above she could make out the contours of his face, the lines of his tattoo, and his ever-present dimples. Their quiet intimacy in the shadows reminded her of that fateful night he’d come to her apartment on Quarra to bring her back to her real life.

He kissed her again and she returned to the present, an impish grin on her face. “So that was one of your fantasies?”

“Oh, yes. A recurring one. It usually came up around our weekly dinner.” He put his head in his hands. “I can’t believe I just told you that.”

She ran her fingers through his hair. “I might have had a similar fantasy.” He looked up and they chuckled at each other.

He stood and held out his hand to help her stand up, then put one arm around her waist and walked them to the kitchen, swiping the lights to their lowest setting as they passed by the controls. She leaned into him as he poured them two tall glasses of cool water with his free hand. They gulped them down and he pressed his body against hers, kissing her wildly, his erection returning with a vengeance. When she stopped for a moment to give him a startled yet mischievous glare, he only smiled, pulled her more tightly to him, and maneuvered her out of the kitchen, walking her backward into his bedroom and onto his bed.

Taking in her flowing hair, glowing face, and perfect curves against his crisp white sheets, Chakotay was overcome by devotion to her. He leaned down and whispered in her ear, “Kathryn, I can’t get enough of you.” She sighed her assent.

Lowering his body to position his mouth at her center, he set his tongue to licking long, hungry strokes along her folds and her shimmering nub. He could taste the mixture of their previous joining as well as her new wetness, and the scent of her set him on fire. Realizing he hadn’t even prepared her with his fingers before he’d entered her in the other room, he endeavored to give her all the careful attention she deserved. He reached inside her with two and then three fingers and she moaned louder and louder until she cried out, legs trembling and her hands cradling his head, gently stilling his movements.

He turned her over so she was lying on her stomach. His large hands slowly caressed the perfect curves of her shoulder blades, the dip of her spine, the smoothness of her back. Cupping her ass, he lowered his head and gently but firmly bit one cheek, then the next. She yelped, then whimpered at her increased arousal. He raised his body up, slowly gliding his erection down her crack, until he found her once again wet and ready for him. She’d raised her arms when he’d turned her over, so he took the opportunity to pin her two hands down on the bed over her head. With his other hand on her hip, steadying their connection, he entered her slowly. As he took his pleasure, he admired the voluptuous picture she made: her face turned to one side, eyes closed in ecstasy, breasts and hips pushing into the bed. Her heat and tightness overwhelmed him and he picked up the pace, slamming into her harder and harder, the slapping of their skin competing with the volume of her moans. Just as he wondered if she might come again, she called out “Come for me, Chakotay. Come inside me.” He reached around and as his fingers grazed her clit she shuddered, and they came together.

*

Later, their bodies intertwined and softly illuminated by the bedside lamps, he offered another confession. “I really thought we’d end up together after you got Mark’s letter.”

Her fingers were tracing the muscles of his chest. She stilled them and looked into his eyes. “Oh, Chakotay, I was so close to admitting my true feelings to you that day. But I felt I couldn’t go to you after what had happened to the Maquis. We both needed time to grieve.”

“You were right about that.”

“I was a complicated mess. After I fell in love with you on New Earth, I felt guilty for betraying Mark. Then when his letter arrived and I began mourning my relationship with him, I felt guilty for betraying my feelings for you. I’d never had feelings for two people at the same time before, and the greatest irony was that I couldn’t really be with either of you. I was in love with a ghost on one hand and a fantasy on the other. And by the time I’d moved on from Mark and only had feelings for you, we were always preoccupied with some ship-related issue or another. I feared the moment had passed, that I’d let it slip from my fingers.”

“I’m so sorry you suffered so much, Kathryn. The last thing I wanted to do was add to your burdens.”

“I’m not sorry at all. During those years, I was giving all of myself to the ship and the crew, all the time. But once in a while, when I was alone, I let myself feel everything I felt for you, feel the whole bittersweet whirlwind that was my inner life, and that’s how I knew I was still alive.” She paused and looked away. “But all the while I worried I was hurting you, and hated myself for it.”

Chakotay reached for her cheek and gently turned her face back to his. His eyes communicated all his love for her and for the first time she met his gaze head on, not turning away. _How lucky I am, to finally be able to accept his love now_ , she thought.

“Kathryn, the joy of working and living so close to you every day far outweighed any pain from the distance between us.” His lips met hers, sealing the pact of his unconditional love.

When they came up for air, she looked into his eyes again, luxuriating in his loving gaze. “Tell me another fantasy.”

“The night before we tried the slipstream drive, I was hoping to have you for dessert.”

“You very nearly did.”

“It seems that every time I wanted you, you wanted me too.”

“Yes.”

“Sometimes I wanted you every day, sometimes multiple times a day.”

She smiled wistfully. “Again, you were not alone.”

Rolling over to rest on his back, softly caressing the hands whose touch never failed to send him into an ecstatic trance, he asked “Now that we know how each of us felt, should we feel better or worse about the choices we made?”

She rolled on top of him, beaming. “Definitely better, because now all our fantasies can come true.”


	8. Away

When Chakotay woke his arms were around Kathryn, whose head was on his shoulder, her silky auburn hair spread out along his chest. His eyes still closed, he smiled deeply. _I could wake up like this every day_.

She stirred and wrapped her arms more tightly around his chest. “Chakotay, I don’t want to let go of you.”

“Stay as long as you like.” He ran his fingers through her hair. “Let’s go away for the weekend.”

“Where to?” She looked up into his eyes, half-hesitant, half-delighted.

He pulled her close and whispered low, “Let me surprise you.”

She relaxed into his embrace and smiled against the pillow. “All right.”

Before he could get out of bed to plan his surprise, Kathryn surprised him by rolling on top of him and taking him inside her. They made love slowly, her hip bones pressing into his pelvis, her nipples peaking against his pectorals, his hands grasping her hips. She came thunderously, bringing him with her.

She rolled off him. “Morning sex,” she purred.

“Morning sex,” he agreed.

*

While Kathryn showered, Chakotay sent a flurry of text messages, and within the hour they were in a Voyager Two shuttle over the Pacific, heading for Kona on Hawai’i’s Big Island.

They set down next to a simple bungalow. Chakotay keyed in a series of numbers on the control panel next to the large wooden front door, and it swung open to reveal high ceilings, elegant furnishings made with local materials, and, at the far end, a lanai with a spectacular view of their private beach and the ocean.

The scene took Kathryn’s breath away. “How did you reserve this place on such short notice?”

“It belongs to marine biologist friends of mine, a couple who teach at the Academy. They’re off planet for the year. When they saw we’d returned they commed me and told me to come here whenever I want, but I haven’t had a chance to take them up on the offer until now.” He reached for her hand and kissed her inner wrist gently. “Returning to one’s own quadrant has its advantages.”

She grinned, understanding his double meaning. “That it does.”

After a brief naked frolic in the ocean, they spent the better part of the day on the beach underneath a large parasol in a lounge chair for two. Wrapped in each other’s embrace, mesmerized by the rhythm of the waves, they shared a companionable quietude, content that they’d talked through everything they needed to talk through for now, finally catching up with what they’d needed and denied themselves for so long: each other’s touches, kisses, caresses. They dozed on and off, whether to make up for the last couple of nights or their seven years in the Delta Quadrant, they neither knew nor cared to determine.

In the late afternoon Chakotay brought Kathryn to an early dinner at a traditional Hawai’ian restaurant overlooking the water. She wore a halter dress with a full skirt that ended at mid-calf, which reminded Chakotay of the one she’d worn to Neelix’s luau while they were investigating the inversion nebula. All the desires of that evening long ago came rushing back to him and fueled his plans for later in the evening. In the moment, he gleefully watched her devouring her sea vegetable poke bowl, pleased to discover that love gave her an appetite.

For her part, Kathryn chafed at the distance the table created between her and Chakotay. He seemed so cool and collected in his white linen shirt and shorts – _how can he just sit there so calmly when I am ready to throw myself at him again_? For the third evening in a row, she watched the crimson sun setting over the Pacific and felt a dampness growing between her legs. She flushed briefly when she realized she’d developed a Pavlovian response to the sun going down. He must have read the desire in her eyes, because he suggested they have dessert at the bungalow instead.

Upon their return Kathryn went out to the lanai to take in the view. The sun had set, a sliver of the moon was rising in the distance, and the stars were blinking into their brightness. With the breeze in her hair, on her skin, she felt newly alive.

Chakotay brought out some tumblers, set them on a side table, and embraced her from behind. “I didn’t think I could possibly desire you more than I already did.”

She responded with a low hum, her arms embracing his.

Chakotay undid the laces of her halter top, baring her breasts to the empty beach. He clutched at her, rubbing her nipples insistently with his thumbs, gnawing at her neck, pressing his hardness into her back. Kathryn gasped, excited by his rough handling of her.

He turned her to face him and suddenly they were engaged in a duel of tongues. She was grateful that her wedge espadrilles gave her the extra height she needed to reach him. Her hands found their way under his shirt and palpated his muscles possessively.

He took hold of her hands, and pulled away with a ravenous look in his eyes. In a low voice, he commanded, “Come inside with me.”

Before she knew it, Chakotay had flung her forward over the dining room table, lifted up the skirt of her dress, and pulled down her panties just enough to test her wetness.

“Kathryn, you’re soaking.”

“Mmmmm,” she replied from her non-verbal state of blissful anticipation.

Chakotay grinned to himself and unbuckled his pants, freeing his erection.

He entered her decisively and began hammering into her, his hands wrapped tightly around her bare waist, digging in bruises she’d wear with pride for the next several days. For leverage, her hands clung to the sides of the table, which vibrated with her incessant moans.

Kathryn concentrated on the contrast between the cool hardness of the polished wood pressing steadily against front of her body and the hot, wet slaps of his pelvis behind her. She could feel her orgasm buildling – the first one always came quickly when she’d been aroused all day – and could tell he was getting close, too.

Chakotay lay his body on top of hers, shifting his angle of penetration and pressing deeper and more firmly against her g-spot with each thrust. With his chest against her back and his warm breath at her ear, he commanded her in hot, sweet, velvet tones, “Let go for me, Kathryn, let go.” Undone, she shuddered violently around him, triggering his copious, prolonged release.

When their breathing returned to normal, he stood and pulled her up, his teeth nipping at her neck, his arm around her waist, unwilling to let go of her.

She turned to him and they both giggled when they realized their clothes, still half-hanging on their bodies, were soaked through.

“Let’s take a shower,” Chakotay suggested. “I think you’re going to like it.”

They stripped and hung their clothes to dry on the lanai, then Chakotay brought her out to the spacious outdoor shower on the side of the house.

The small enclosure featured stone walls bedecked with plants and vines, which created privacy on three sides, while the fourth side was open to the beach and the ocean. Chakotay activated the double rainshowers suspended above them. For a moment, they stood under their respective showerheads, enjoying the rush of warm water and the cooling ocean breeze.

Then Chakotay’s erection returned and Kathryn’s eyes went wide. He crossed over into her shower space, and unhooked a smaller, detachable showerhead affixed to the side wall. He attempted to point the nozzle at her nipples, but she covered them quickly, signaling that they were too sensitive for that kind of treatment. He chuckled and brought the stream of water slowly down her body, until he reached her clit and she moaned involuntarily. He switched the nozzle’s output to a steady pulse, brought his other hand over her breast, and kissed her deeply. She held on to his arms as he brought her to climax, moaning into his mouth.

After she’d recovered, he turned her around slowly, and entered her once again from behind. She reached out to the wall to steady herself as he pushed deeper inside her. He slid a hand up her chest and along the side of her neck, and Kathryn turned her head and took two of his fingers in her mouth. Chakotay was about to go over the edge, so he detached the nozzle again and positioned it against her clit. She responded with a shout so loud the whole neighborhood probably heard it, and they were both coming again, their bodies and souls falling into each other.

*

They finally cleaned up in earnest and settled into the bed, sitting up, snuggling, and sipping their erstwhile forgotten whiskey. A melancholic look passed over Kathryn’s face.

“What are you thinking?” Chakotay asked.

“I don’t know if I can stand to be away from you for the three months of our leave.”

“Do you want to rearrange our plans so we can spend our leaves together?”

“Do you?”

“Now that we’re together, I can’t imagine being apart from you.”

“Let’s sleep on it,” they said at the same time.

They laughed and settled in to sleep like the dead.

*

Kathryn woke on Sunday morning to throbbing pain between her legs and muscle aches all over her body. She groaned and Chakotay opened his eyes. “Chakotay, I’m so sorry, but I’m terribly sore.”

He turned toward her and hissed suddenly at a newfound tightness in his muscles. “That makes two of us.”

“Rest day?”

“I think that would be best. Let’s sit in the outdoor jacuzzi for a bit. It’ll help.”

After their soak, Chakotay replicated a hearty breakfast for two and announced, “Today we’re going to pay homage to the other great love of your life.”

Kathryn understood immediately and threw her head back in laughter. “You really do know the way to my heart.”

He replicated clothes, boots, and knapsacks appropriate for a day-long hiking trip and before long, they were walking, hand-in-hand, inland and uphill for about half an hour until an expansive coffee farm came into view.

They arrived in time for a hiking tour through the farm’s mountainous terrain. It had been in the same family for generations, the guide explained, while holding up a handful of the volcanic soils that imparted the exquisite flavor unique to Kona coffee. As they arrived at a stunning vista of the island and the ocean, he mentioned that the mountainous leeward side of the island provided the perfect climate and elevation for growing the coffee plant. Kathryn took in the rows upon rows of cherry-red coffee beans standing out against the lush green plant leaves, clutching Chakotay’s arm as though he had ushered her into paradise.

When they entered the roasting facility, Kathryn was immediately transfixed by the rhythm of the enormous, rotating roasting drums. The aroma was intoxicating; even Chakotay imagined he wouldn’t mind coming in to work at the roastery every day.

Their last stop was the farm’s café. Their small tour group sat around a table, sipping several of the varieties their guide had pointed out during the tour. Over the last few days, Chakotay had confirmed his long-standing suspicion that Kathryn’s bodily responses to coffee and orgasm were nearly identical. Sitting next to her and watching her adoringly as she imbibed, he realized that if he hadn’t known better he might have thought she was going to climax right there, in front of everyone.

She turned to him, her hyper-caffeinated eyes aglow. “Could we come back later and load the shuttle?”

“Naturally.”

*

They walked hand-in-hand back to their bungalow, dropped their knapsacks and boots on the floor in the hall, and headed out to the water’s edge in their bare feet.

As the waves lapped at their ankles and a gentle breeze ran through their hair, they could both tell it was time for the conversation they’d left to the side all day. Neither one was sure how to begin. Finally, Chakotay took in a deep breath. “Kathryn –”

“I know what you’re going to say. You need time with your family.” She looked out to the horizon.

“I was going to say that you need time to yourself.”

She turned to face him. “What we said in Atacama is still true: we each need time alone, to find out who we are now.”

He traced her cheekbone with a lone finger. “That doesn’t change how much I want what’s between us to grow.”

“It will. It’s never stopped growing before.”

He cradled her face in his hands and kissed her so sweetly she wished time would stop for them.


	9. The End is Only The Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for coming along on this ride with me. I worked on this story for three months, here and there, whenever I could find a moment, though it had been knocking around in my head for a lot longer than that. Even though I have another story in the works, I feel a bit of empty nest syndrome sending this one out into the world. I’m grateful to everyone who’s welcomed it with kindness and enthusiasm.

The crew’s last week before extended shore leave was devoted to locking down _Voyager_ ’s systems for the short trip to Utopia Planetia. In many ways it was the culmination of their three months of slowly moving off _Voyager_. After the holidays, everyone had of course moved down to Voyager Two provisionally, and after the suspended commission announcement, all additional personal belongings were moved into crew members’ Voyager Two quarters, their permanent residences, or temporary storage. Throughout the debriefings, the ship had been maintained by a skeleton crew, though several science labs continued to run experiments they’d begun in the Delta Quadrant, some of which would continue even at Utopia Planetia. While the crew’s comings and goings remained frequent due to debriefings and report preparation, they diminished steadily over time. Quite a few crew members felt grateful that the debriefings had gradually allowed them to transition from Delta Quadrant to Alpha Quadrant life. The fact that their ship wasn’t torn away from them had played a major role in their resilience during the transition period.

The crew, spearheaded by Tom and the Delaney twins, threw a party on the ship the Sunday evening before lockdown prep began. Kathryn and Chakotay returned from their Hawai’ian getaway to make a cursory appearance. It was the last hurrah for _Voyager_ ’s Delta Quadrant crew – as they’d begun to think of themselves in anticipation of her eventual recommissioning – meaning that it was going to be a wild party, and their commanding officers knew everyone would enjoy it more once they’d disappeared. What the crew didn’t know was that Kathryn and Chakotay beamed directly to her quarters on Voyager Two, where they continued their recovery from their recent nightly escapades with a long soak in Kathryn’s tub.

By the end of the week, Kathryn and Chakotay had supervised the ship lockdown, presided over the Voyagers’ promotion ceremony, received promotions themselves, and granted interviews to several interplanetary news outlets. They were sleep-deprived, exhausted, and shell-shocked, but also giddy, not only from this whirlwind of transitional activity but also from resuming their nightly bouts of athletic sex.

It came time for the two of them to make their final walk-through of the ship. They began aft on Deck Fifteen and moved incrementally forward and upward, and after inspecting every section of every deck, they placed their thumbprints on the checklist PADD Chakotay carried ceremoniously through the corridors. It was an experience at once surreal and all too real, reiterating that _Voyager_ as she was in the Delta Quadrant would always be their home, but from now on, only in memory. They ran their hands lovingly against the bulkheads, listening to the hum of the warp core resonating throughout the ship, silently saying goodbye to their most steadfast companion.

Many changes to the ship also indicated _Voyager_ ’s readiness for the next chapter of her existence. Airponics had been reconverted to a cargo bay. The Doctor was not to be found in Sickbay, though a newer model EMH had been installed. The Bridge was empty, its spaciousness almost shocking.

They entered the Ready Room. Though it had been emptied of Kathryn’s possessions, to them it remained full of precious, complex memories: the day he helped her contact her spirit guide, the day she defeated death and invited him on a moonlit sail, the moments they let each other see a side of themselves no one else would ever see, the hours and hours they spent together finding solutions to keep their crew safe and get them home. Even the memories of their most enraged arguments, the breaching of lines they never thought they’d cross without losing their unique connection, endured in the room, more valuable now than they could ever have anticipated, for here they were, on the other side of it all, stronger than ever as the couple they’d always wanted to be.

They stood before the viewport, where Earth loomed large. Turning to each other, they both silently remembered her words to him midway through their journey:

_Three years ago I didn’t even know your name. Now I can’t imagine a day without you._

They pressed their thumbprints to the last item on their checklist, and with a flourish Chakotay sent it into Starfleet’s subspace ether. He put the PADD down on the coffee table and turned back to face Kathryn.

“I’m going to leave you to have some time alone with your Bridge and your ship now. But first, I have to do something I’ve wanted to do since the first time I entered this room.”

She tilted her head at him in lieu of a spoken question. His hands came up to her hair to move her stray strands back into place, his fingers traced her cheekbone, and he pulled her in for a deep kiss. She put her arms around him and drew him closer. As their bodies melded together as one, they knew they had finally, truly, come home.

*

The following morning, the Voyagers formed a queue at Starfleet Headquarters’ main transporter station, some heading off to destinations on Earth, others boarding starships for homeworlds all over the quadrant. The senior staff formed a receiving line to bid them farewell. As each Voyager came to terms with this final, physical act of the crew going their separate ways, they exchanged goodbyes by turns joyous and tearful, exuberant and subdued.

Before long, tears streamed down the faces of the two ensigns operating the transporters, even as they continued to perform their job with absolute precision and tact. Once Kathryn and Chakotay had sent off the rest of the senior staff, Kathryn took pity on them. “Thank you, Ensigns. You’re dismissed.”

“Yes, Admiral.”

“Thank you, Admiral.”

Chakotay took Kathryn into his arms, gazed into her eyes, and all was as it was finally meant to be.

“Kathryn, I love you.”

“I love you, Chakotay.”

He stepped on to the transported pad, and she entered the coordinates for the ship taking him to Trebus.

“I’ll see you in three months, Captain,” she announced in that half-commanding, half-seductive voice that only she could pull off.

His heart swelled and he smiled widely. “And not a minute later.”

Her fingers slid up the console and he shimmered away.

As Kathryn set the coordinates for her mother’s house in Bloomington, she was overcome by a sense of peace she’d only ever known before in Chakotay’s presence. And as she stepped on to the transporter pad and felt the familiar tingle of the beam whisking her away, she whispered to herself, “And here begins a new life.”


End file.
